I have a problem… I’m an ugly crier who has, at times, cried inappropriately.
For example, when I get very angry and have a confrontation, I often end up in tears. This is helpful for arguments with my husband but not so much when I was in middle and high school and having the usual petty disagreements with friends. If I would get at all riled up, I’d burst into tears, this never helped me win my argument then.
It’s the intense emotions of an argument mess me up but any intense emotions will do. If I’m overly tired and slap happy, I’ve been known to go from laughing to sobbing without reason or warning. And once I feel the tears coming, I cannot shut them off, this drives me crazy and also contributes to the ugly factor as I’m usually trying (unsuccessfully) to control my tears. Often it is something inexplicable that sets me off when I’m already emotionally charged. For example, at our wedding, I was doing pretty good holding it together with no tears and as my dad was walking me down the aisle I caught the eye of one of my cousin’s husbands and he smiled so big and I literally burst into tears and continued crying through the entire ceremony and straight through until we had personally dismissed each guest from our wedding. It was a bit ridiculous.
The most recent example of this happened this weekend at my patent’s church. As mentioned, it was the farewell Sunday for the pastor I grew up with and I was prepared since I remembered how I reacted when the last main pastor left 20 years ago (my mom and I sobbed the whole way home from church). I didn’t wear mascara and tried to focus only on happy, non-serious thoughts but then I opened the bulletin and saw that the sermon title was “Thank You and Goodbye” and I felt that awful tingle in my nose and knew resistance was futile. And yes, I cried, a face-scrunching, impossible-to-stifle cry. Certainly for good reason but I sure wish I could have done it in private. Much less awkward for everyone :). But I just have to accept that I can’t change this about myself.
My name is Michelle, and I am an inappropriate and ugly crier, I can’t help it. Thanks for loving me anyway.