Category Archives: Family

You know what happens when you make plans…

Posted on July 4, 2012 | 1 comment

I know there is a saying about making plans and how God laughs at them, or something… but really, I think that paints God to be rather cruel, or at least having a mean sense of humor like your wacky uncle who laughs when you stub your toe or run into a screen door (note: so I’ve heard, I have/had good uncles who were and are nothing but nice to me; also, not the point). But there is some truth in the sentiment of the saying… that ultimately it’s useless to make plans with the thought that 100% these things (that you’ve planned) will happen (how you’ve planned them, or at all). Also, there’s truth in the saying, “Expect the unexpected.” If you had told me a week ago that in one week’s time, my husband would be heading back to Australia, I might have believed you, but I certainly would have been adamant that it wasn’t our plan, that it was highly unexpected. But things happen and until certain things happen, you really can’t know how you’ll feel in the moment, how you’ll react or what you’ll need to do.

My dear mother-in-law passed away yesterday (technically today since Australia is 14 hours ahead of us so the 4th of July will hold a different meaning for our family). She had finally had enough of everything and was ready to be done with this earthly life. We are so glad she is done with the pain and suffering of this world and reunited with her family – especially her husband and son – in heaven. And logically, it all makes sense to know she’s better off but it takes time to know that emotionally and to not be sad (when the numbness wears off). I was reading another blog post recently (this one here*) talking about divorce and the grieving process and how everyone grieves differently and though the post was in the context of divorce, it’s true for all grief – no matter what kind. Grief is sneaky and will take you by surprise on day one or day one hundred. Our grief and sadness is still so new, and still so unfelt from half a world away. It doesn’t seem like a reality to know that she is gone, that my husband has lost his mother and my children their grandmother. It doesn’t seem like reality to know that my husband is currently sitting in an airport waiting to board his flight to Australia [especially when you consider he won’t arrive there until 6 p.m. Thursday night (our time)] while I am back at home with the kids tucked into bed. You wish, in cases like this, that you could just close your eyes and be where you needed to be without the hassle and stomping along of time.

We had not planned on Simon going back for his mother’s funeral, that was why we had gone as a family in January. It was important to spend time with her when she was living, to soak up that time and hold it close to us. My kids will remember her now and have those memories of playing Yahtzee on the iPad and singing happy birthday to her in the hospital. Liam said to me yesterday, “I’m going to miss Grandma Dorothy but she’s in heaven now with her husband and she’s in my heart.” And that makes it okay.

Despite what we had planned, when it became clear this weekend that she wasn’t going to make it much longer, we knew that Simon had to go, felt it was the right thing to do. He hadn’t gone back for his dad’s or his brother’s funeral but this  closure is acutely needed. If the shoe were on the other foot and I was in Australia when my mom died, there’s no way I wouldn’t fly home for the funeral, so I completely get the need to be there for his siblings and for himself for closure. She’s his mom.

So we’ll figure it out, even though it wasn’t planned. Because while we do make our plans and God often knows that things aren’t going to turn out as we’ve thought, He’s not reveling in our dashed hopes and abandoned plans. He’s waiting for us to look to Him for direction and to lean on Him for comfort and He’s got His arms open wide, without a hint of laughter anywhere to be found. He puts friends in our lives who understand and love us in all the important ways. He allows us to feel the blessing of those friendships in ways we wouldn’t have otherwise experienced if our life had gone as planned. It’s going to be a difficult time – here and half way around the world – but not impossible.

*I love the whole post, but this paragraph resonated with me especially:

Except, as with a death, once everything normalizes it doesn’t resemble your life anymore. The plans you’d made, the things you’d thought settled, are blown apart.

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Posted in Australia, Family, Life in general

Sisters-in-love

Posted on June 26, 2012 | 5 comments

I have two brothers. Two brothers who are significantly older than me, so really, I was like an only child. But as luck would have it, my brothers are pretty awesome at attracting/picking fabulous wives which means that along with two brothers, I have two sisters-in-law who I love. I met Lynn, Marty’s wife, when I was in late elementary school or middle school (I can’t quite remember how old I was) but Joan I have known my entire life since I was just 9 months old when she married my brother, Mike (that baby in the photo below is me with Joan and Mike – aren’t we all adorable?).

When I was growing up, we shared many family birthday parties because our birthdays are only five days apart (sorry, Joan, for all the strawberry cakes you had for your birthday, in case they were not your favorite). And if I was ever out with Mike and Joan and their kids, people assumed they were my parents (and alternately, people assumed I was my parents’ grandchild when we were out with them – we like to keep people on their toes). Having adult siblings when you are a kid is kind of difficult because you don’t share those same memories of childhood and hanging out together is really them babysitting you. But, I’ve discovered a true bonus to this situation, with my sister-in-laws we never really had that getting to know you period that you get when you meet in-laws as adults, to me they have just always been there as part of my family. Especially with Joan, who has been a part of my entire life, just as much as my brother. How lucky am I?*

Today is Joan’s birthday and I think she just keeps getting better with age! She is one of the women who has helped shape who I am as a person because of who she is as a person. She’s a wonderful wife, loving mother, good friend, thoughtful sister and daughter, and has done it all while working full time, not to mention she is one of my favorite cooks and an impressive hostess. One of my favorite memories of Joan was telling her we were pregnant with Liam – she screamed so loud and was so happy for us, it made my day! It’s easy to take people for granted who have been in our lives for forever, so it’s nice to take a moment and tell them we love them! Love you, Joan – happy birthday to one of the best people I know!

* Very lucky because I’m also blessed by the sister-in-laws I married into who are in Australia and Jordan (technically, Lebanon at the moment).

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Posted in Family

Moving on up

Posted on June 7, 2012 | 2 comments

Yesterday was a big day for my boys… it was Jack’s last day in the little kid’s building at daycare. He’s been in this classroom since last fall and I adore his teachers – but I’ve always adored my kids’ daycare teachers because they care for my children and teach them in my absence.
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We love Lisa (left) and Sue, even if Jack adamantly refused to participate in the picture-taking. I will be forever grateful to the people who taught Jack to use the potty (though he still refuses to use it regularly at home) but more importantly, helped shepherd his mind and heart through the terrible twos.
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And yesterday was Liam’s last day of kindergarten. He’s officially a first grader, though he was quick to correct me when I said that as he’s doing the school-age program at our daycare and he apparently thinks that is a grade onto itself. “Mom, I’m not a first grader yet, I’m going to school age this summer!” [Gosh mom, he should have added, based on the tone of voice he used.]
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Above is Liam on his first day of school, below is him in the same spot on his last day. Hard to believe a whole school year has passed between these photos.
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During the past year he has fallen for his kindergarten teacher – I used to be the only one he drew pictures for but countless times he worked on a drawing, only to tuck it away in his backpack for Mrs. A. Not the first time I’ll play second fiddle to another woman in his life. Alas.
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I feel so blessed to have had such a wonderful, uneventful year of school for Liam. No big challenges or dramas to deal with and [fingers crossed/knock on wood/prayers lifted high] hopefully the coming years will bring the same joyful bliss of school ease (the realist in me realizes this is complete unrealistic to hope for, but the optimist hopes just the same).

I’ve got nothing but good things to say about school and daycare at this juncture. Not even a witty, sarcastic comment. Happiness abounds and the summer stretches out in front of us (though, as noted previously, the boys’ schedule is pretty much the same, just in new places so I don’t have that all-too-common, frantic look in my eyes like many of my stay-at-home mom friends tend to wear these days – just another reason I like working and daycare, it works for me just fine and I don’t sport crazy eyes – at least not about summer vacation).

And in case we aren’t friends on Facebook, here’s a little gem Liam said in the car on the way to school yesterday:
Liam: I can’t remember if “F*ck in Black” is by AC/DC.
Me: I think you mean “Back in Black, not what you just said.
Liam: Oh, I guess I just heard him un-correctly.
[I’m just thankful he didn’t say it while we were discussing music with Jack’s daycare teachers. Pretty sure that might get him banned from the school-age program.]

 

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Posted in Family, Life in general, Parenting

Everything happens for a reason

Posted on May 23, 2012 | Leave a comment

I’d like to say that I hate it when people say that… everything happens for a reason – but I don’t. I know it’s so trite and all platitude-y (totally a word, except, not really) but it’s also true. At least, it turns out to be true. When you are in the middle of the thing that’s happening, you often can’t see the reason and that capital “s” Sucks. And in that moment, a platitude doesn’t help (so definitely try to avoid them) but later, you can appreciate it.

Where am I going with this…

On Saturday I posted my normal Instagram recap that included a photo I took of a photo of my dad’s father who he never met because he (my grandfather) died in October 1935 and my dad was born February 1936. At some point I’d heard the story of the circumstances of his death but had mistakenly attributed his head injury to a lead pipe and I knew I was potentially making the details up because our minds recall things differently that we learned in childhood (e.g., bad dreams, being afraid of spooky neighbors who were not at all spooky in real life, being force-fed vegetables, etc…). Anywho, I knew my father would set me straight.

And I was right, Monday I got the following email from my dad:
My  father was  a fun-loving, dare-devil, joker, witty  type of  guy (runs  in the  family [note from Michelle: we are also humble]) and  he  liked to  play  low stake  poker at  the local  pub in Dimondale, Mi. After  one  such  session, which  he was  a winner, an altercation with  a loser  ended up in a fist fight  outside and  my dad  went  down and  head struck curb or the  concrete,  and  he developed a blood  clot.  Being  1935 and medicine  not  like  today, after  a few  days  in Lansing  hospital  he was transported  to Ann Arbor  where he  died like I think in November  and  I  was born  the next  Feb. No lead pipe  was involved.

[now here’s the part I loved]
Think  how  much  life  would  be  changed if that had not  happened.  Would  probably not  met  your  mom  and  no  Mike –no Marty— and  no  Michelle. See all things  happen for  a reason. I’m  very  happy  with  the  way  all has turned out
P.S.  the guy  who  caused  his  death was not  prosecuted  and  died in  W./W.2

I’ve never really talked to my dad about his father dying or everything that happened after – my grandma remarried and moved my dad and his sister to Lansing where he met my mom (his high school sweetheart) in school. And the rest is history. But history that probably wouldn’t have happened had my grandfather not been killed, or had he died at a later point after my dad was born. I cannot imagine what my grandma went through during all this – have two small children and no husband (though she was certainly not alone as there were many wives and children left behind at this time – it was a period of war and depression). But I love how he sees it… that his family came out of it, that we are the silver lining of the cloud of losing his own dad.

Incidentally, I did a little Google-aided digging and found out that my grandma also had a stillborn son in January 1934. I never knew that and as a child would never have known (or appreciated) how much my grandma went through in her own relative youth but as a mother and a wife, I relate to where she was at that time and cannot imagine the strength it took to get through it. I’m sure that at the time there was no comfort in knowing there must be a reason for it happening, but perhaps later, in retrospect, she could see the good that came of it.

It doesn’t mean that bad things are necessary in life but that bad things are not in themselves the end of the story, sometimes they are just the beginning. Everything happens for a reason because God doesn’t make mistakes.

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Posted in Faith, Family, Life in general