Things that are the worst

  • Sitting down on an ice cold toilet seat (work bathroom, I’m looking at you).
  • Hitting every red light on your way somewhere.
  • Grapes with seeds.
  • Having the kind of hair that curls fall right out of, but that frizzes up with the least bit of humidity and curls when you’ve flat-ironed it – you can’t have it both ways, hair, pick straight or curly and stick with it.
  • Grabbing a piece of fruit or vegetable and poking your finger into a soft/squishy spot.
  • Stepping on any poop, pee or vomit from any person or animal (negative points added if you are barefoot).
  • Catching the last chords of a favorite song when you switch radio stations, especially if you wasted your time listening to a “lesser” song on another station.
  • Pushing yourself to do over 5 miles on the elliptical, eating healthy and then gaining weight that day… blah, blah, blah… muscles weighs more (it should also burn more).
  • Going to hug one of your kids only to have them accidentally headbutt you in the nose/mouth/eye.
  • Inadvertently making someone feel bad or guilty (it is, alternatively, pretty great when you can make your kids feel guilty on purpose for something they did wrong).
  • Sports programming pushing back show run times so the last five minutes of your DVR-ed show gets cut off. How will I ever know if Alicia takes the partnership? (Oh wait, there is this thing called the Internet that I can look such things up on you say? I’m familiar with it, it’s also the place where I complain about stupid things in life – the Internet and I are BFFs.)
  • Chipping a freshly painted fingernail.
  • Fresh parsley.
  • Airline leg room (except Qantas, premium economy and higher, that legroom is awesome).
  • Realizing you forgot something at home when you have left for a trip.
  • When your kids fall asleep in the car as you a pulling onto your street.
  • Forgetting your cell phone at home.
  • Kanye West procreating.
  • Running out of deodorant after applying it to only one side.
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5 responses to “Things that are the worst

  1. I do that “lesser” song thing all the time! We are kindred spirits.

  2. So funny – I can totally relate to the majority of these!!!

  3. Pingback: 2013 Year in Review | ememby

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