- One day you will discover that your precious child has decided to store his boogers on the wall behind his bedroom door. He will be very contrite and will obediently try to clean them off with the supplies you give him but they are stubborn and you will have to step in. They never tell you that scraping dried boogers off a wall is in your job description.
- You will be very sad on Easter morning to discover that you can’t enjoy a marshmallow Peep because you have been calling your children’s private parts their “peeps” since they were learning to talk.
- When you hear other children talking about characters from Star Wars or Cars, you will know exactly who/what they are talking about and will be tempted to correct them when they use the wrong name because you are so used to being corrected yourself.
- You will avert your attention for five minutes and your second born sweetie will have managed to shove 8 (!) DVDs in the space behind the adjustable screen of your portable DVD player, making it so you now have a fancy speaker with which to listen to your DVDs. You will consider not telling your husband this happened because you know you could purchase a replacement and he would never notice, so long as it was the same brand.
- After a particularly fitful nap time, you will go into your 2-year-old’s room to find his face, hands and clothing (along with the crib, sheets and wall) covered in blood. You will not panic but instead go get your phone to take pictures because you know he simply shoved his thumb up his nose – this has happened before.
- You will let your kid’s hair grow because you know soon he’ll have an opinion about its length and you will get not-so-secret glee out of having him do the Bieber (i.e., shake his head around so his hair flies out, watch this for reference – my kid is way cuter)
- You will have to say things like, “We don’t ninja our brother/mommy,” with a straight face.
- You will compliment your children on their excrement habits, in fact, you will cheer for them when they poop in the potty and point out to them what Superman ice cream does to their poop. (Yes, I just used the word poop twice in one bullet point – I am unphased.)
- Your heart will feel so full and you will feel more love than you ever could have imagined. It really is the best thing, even when it is maddening.