Things I’ve Thought While Watching the Olympics

  • I wish my husband would take up swimming.
  • I wonder if they won this race/match? Let me pause the TV and check nbcnews.com… yes, okay, then I can keep watching [the not knowing sometimes stresses me out too much].
  • [at the gymnastics commentator] I don’t think you are actually familiar with something that should be called catastrophic; that, what just happened, was not catastrophic.
  • I wonder exactly how slow I would look compared to the people running the 100M, or 200M or (God forbid) the 400M? Laughably slow or humiliatingly slow?
  • If the beach volleyball players can win while wearing long-sleeved shirts and pants, why exactly do their normal “uniforms” need to be so tiny?
  • The mens’ synchronized diving suits are just a wee bit too not there; would it totally ruin the sport to dive in say, bike shorts?
  • OMG, where are their boobs? [with regard to all female swimmers] Normal people would be showing off way too much side boob in that suit.
  • While I appreciate mothers being acknowledged, I feel like it’s a little rude and presumptuous to think that fathers shouldn’t be just as revered by PG. And everyone else that supports those athletes.
  • I could never be an Olympian because I like having dessert more than once every four years.
  • Michael Phelps has come a long way since his first Olympics when he was all young and geeky, oh wait… still the same and yet, still the muscles.
  • I wish I could have the fabulous hair swimmers have immediately after getting out of a pool and taking off their swim caps – I feel like they have some secret they should share with the rest of us.
  • If I were an Olympian, I would not want to be from China or Russia because they never look happy and their coaches look displeased at all times.
  • Shut up, Ryan Lochte. It’s better if you never talk.
  • I still think that gymnastics commentator sounds like John Tesh.
  • You’re right, that male vaulter does have a unique running style (if by unique, you mean completely hilarious) but why aren’t we discussing his completely creepy porn mustache?
  • Holy cow, the men’s gymnasts defy all laws of nature on the rings; also, that one guy is a wee bit old… I can’t believe they used a spot on their team just for him? Are Olympians not allowed to use Just For Men?
  • With all the stupid rules out there, how is it fair that the people who swim the semi-final relays do not have to be the people who swim the final?
  • Usain Bolt is completely impressive on the track; no matter what people say, he has a right to be as cocky as he is, especially if he doesn’t care about what people think (spoiler: he so doesn’t care what people think).
  • Why is that sport still in the Olympics?
  • How cute are Will and Kate cheering for his horse-riding cousin?
  • I’m pretty sure I couldn’t pull off a serious game face when they were introducing me before a race. I’d be all, “Hi, please like me…”
  • A lot of the female track athletes have impressively cool names.
  • Someone feed that person a cheeseburger, stat.
  • I hope Kerri Walsh is as nice in real life as she is in interviews, or at least I hope that’s the real her doing the talking and not just a public image.
  • I’m sure that Chinese diver appreciates the underwater shot of her putting her bathing suit back in place after a dive.
  • Is Bob Costas drunk?
  • Why is Ryan Seacrest on my TV when it’s not on E!, Fox or New Year’s Eve?
  • Wish I could appreciate Bruce Jenner’s athletic accomplishments rather than being annoyed he’s on TV. And also, stop talking about your daughters, Bruce… no one cares.

 

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6 responses to “Things I’ve Thought While Watching the Olympics

  1. Oh, these are too funny! You put thoughts into words so much better than I ever could! Thanks for the laugh today.

  2. So great. Loved this! The commentators are just too much for me sometimes.. the other night during the men’s rings, one commentator mentioned one of the competitors as the “emotional favorite” of the event. What does that even mean? And then a few minutes later he says, “He’s just so incredibly strong- physically, I mean.” Oh really? You didn’t mean emotionally strong? I’m pretty sure someone needs to tell them that occasionally it’s okay to NOT be talking.. 🙂

    • I heard that strong comment too, and it made me laugh, as if he was implying that mentally, he was a hot mess. The gymnastics ones are my faves, hi-larious.

  3. Pingback: Reblogging… | ememby

  4. Michelle, point by point – you are spot on and you make me laugh! What will we do for entertainment after the closing ceremony.? And speaking of ceremonies – didn’t you just love the Queen and ‘James Bond’ in the opening ceremony, and Mr. Bean (or is it Beam) with the orchesta?

    • I know – I’m sad they are wrapped up now… whatever shall we do for entertainment? 🙂 Thankfully there is plenty to make fun of on TV for quite a long time 😉

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