Category Archives: Parenting

Remorse, or not?

Posted on March 7, 2012 | 4 comments


That video up there is just so very pathetic and his lisp with the word, sorry, so very cute. My dear, sweet second-born decided not to listen to me while we were in the checkout at the grocery store. He did so knowing the consequences for his actions would be missing out on watching Dora while Liam played the Wii. Rather than keeping his bottom in the shopping cart, he stood up and pulled handfuls of candy from the checkout lane. I was calm and measured when I told him in no uncertain terms that he was therefore missing out on Dora when we got home. He responded by crying so loudly and dramatically it would have appeared that I pinched him or carried through on some other threat of bodily harm. The checkout employee smiled at me sympathetically, other shoppers just avoided eye contact and Liam continued prattling on to anyone and everyone around us about Very. Important. Things.

Jack carried on with his crying and sobbing until we were loaded in the car and halfway home he sadly squeaked out, “I’m sorry for making a bad choice at the store, mommy.” This was without prodding from me and I hadn’t made any comments along the bad choice line, he picked those words all on his own. I reiterated that I forgave him and I was glad that he was sorry, but he still wasn’t going to get to watch Dora. Cue: more dramatic sobbing.

Once we got home and the groceries were unloaded, I gave the boys a snack (monkey drinks, as they call them) and Jack repeated his apology. So I had him say it one more time for the camera (which you see above). He seems perfectly remorseful and properly sad about what has taken place, right? But what if I told you that seconds before this apology replay, he was laughing wildly with his brother while they made raspberries at each other. Would you think he was truly sorry then? Yup, me neither. And despite his utter cuteness, he did not get to watch Dora that evening. He was very sad, I was very righteous.

Truly sorry will come when he doesn’t display behavior he knows he’s not allowed to do. But it may not come the next time this happens and the same consequences are doled out again (or maybe the time or two after that). Kids will never learn right from wrong if they get what they want for simply apologizing (no matter how pathetic and cute they are doing it). Following through on threats is a skill I’ve had to beef up as my kids get older. Because it would be so nice to avoid the tantrums in the store and the endless crocodile tears that flow when something is lost as a consequence but what’s even nicer is to NOT have the bad behavior happen in the first place and at the end of childhood to end up with two boys who are respectful and don’t act like entitled spoiled brats. Please remind me of this whenever you get a chance because in theory, this is wonderful but in practice, much harder to keep up with. Parenthood, it’s not for the faint of heart.

4 Comments

Posted in Parenting

Things I Love Thursday… Technology and Parenting

Posted on March 1, 2012 | 2 comments

Though Jill’s not doing it anymore, I have a Things I Love Thursday post in me so I’m just going to write it anyway.

I have to say I love technology and the role it plays in our parenting. Try as I may, I cannot get my kids to play with their toys all day, or to sit quietly the entire time we are in a restaurant or waiting to see a doctor and sometimes, once dinner is done and we’re approaching bedtime but not quite there yet, I just need a 30-minute break to get me through the witching hour. You can judge me all you want (though really, I know you all do it, too) but I do not at all mind saying we use the technology at our disposal to entertain our kids when our resources are tapped.

We are that family in the restaurant whose children are watching YouTube videos and playing Angry Birds on our smart phones and I’ll make no apologies for that because my kids eat a balanced diet (even if I have to sneak things in) so if they are more interested in our phones than the food, so be it. I do not expect a 3-year-old and a 5-year-old to sit perfectly behaved for an hour in a restaurant and the phones keep them quiet and from getting down to run around. We still go out to eat because it is a treat for us after a long week of not seeing each other, it’s nice to get out of the house together but not be paying a babysitter. The only requirement we have is that they have chicken nuggets/fingers/fries of some sort because then Jack will happily eat; but WiFi is also appreciated.

We are also that family, or I should say, I am that mother, who lets her kids zone out on technology in the evenings to give herself a break. Simon’s home with the kids three mornings a week and they are more than happy to play by themselves and be entertained without much adult interaction (not all the time, but it’s more likely to happen in the mornings) but by the time the afternoon and evening rolls around and I’m home with them, this is less likely to happen. They’ve had enough of each other and are more prone to fighting (well, this happens pretty much all the time because they are both stubborn and well, boys). And I’m all for playing with my kids but sometimes other things need to be done like laundry, dinner-prep, working out and emptying the dishwasher. And sometimes I just can’t read another book, build another Lego thing or listen to them shooting at each other, and we all need to retreat to our separate corners. Liam gets to get his aggressions out by shooting things up on the Wii, Jack turns his focus to an episode of Yo, Gabba Gabba (or Gava, Gava as he calls it) or Dora, headphones in place and I’m busy with whatever I’m doing. Everyone is happy for a little while.

My name is Michelle, and I use technology in my parenting arsenal and I love it. (I also use bungee cords with wild abandon.)

2 Comments

Posted in Life in general, Parenting

The same but different

Posted on February 29, 2012 | 7 comments

I’ve been doing a little experiment for the past ten days because I started noticing a subtle difference in my boys and I’m not sure if it’s indicative of their ages or their personalities or both (spoiler: I’m leaning towards both, with a heavy emphasis on their personalities).

During my last Costco outing I purchased a large box of fruit leathers, or fruit strips as my boys call them. Copying my friend, Tracey, I’ve taken them out of the box and put them in a cup in our cupboard so when the boys want one, I grab a handful from the cup and fan them out in front of them like a deck of cards, letting them pick which flavor they want.

Without fail, when I stick one out further than the rest, Liam will always pick that one, no matter what the flavor. Jack, on the other hand, will always choose his own, never picking the one that is stuck out closest to him. And I’m not sure why exactly this is, if Liam’s just at an age where he’s more suggestable and prone to “peer” pressure and Jack’s still working on his independence OR if it is purely indicative of their personalities. I think it’s a little of both, but more personality-driven than anything. Both my boys are certainly stubborn (have NO idea where they get that from) but Liam has always been one who can be steered in a certain direction as long as he doesn’t realize that he’s being manipulated. Jack will always go his own way and has never taken redirection, he’s stubborn through and through, enough for five more children.

I’ve been thinking about that, trying to figure out what this might mean for them as they go through life. Liam has a good head on his shoulders but I worry that he won’t be able to discern when someone doesn’t have his best interests in mind and he will end up doing things because others are doing them, not realizing until it is too late that he’s doing the wrong thing or has made a bad decision. He does not stew over questions and will quickly answer, “I don’t know” if asked a question he doesn’t readily know the answer to; of course he has to stop talking first in order to hear the question being asked. He’s our little social butterfly who loves to explain things to others and soaks up information like a sponge, able to repeat whole books and tidbits of information that he’s gleaned from our reading books to him and his Tag Reader. He’s slightly easier to parent because he will be redirected and usually makes the choice you want him to if you guide him in that direction. Jack goes his own way, rarely one to bow to pressure from those around him, even when they are doing the right thing. I’ve already mentioned in earlier posts that I think his personality is key to helping him deal with his limb difference later in life. But I think it’s also going to make it hard to him to realize when he’s wrong and be able to admit it. But I’m glad he’s decisive and knows what he wants, when he wants it, I don’t feel like I’ll ever have to worry about him bowing to peer pressure, instead I’ll have to make sure he’s setting a good example for others and leading the way down the right path.

Just goes to show you, two boys with the same parents can be completely different, if even in a small way that makes a huge impact on both of their lives.

7 Comments

Posted in Parenting, Symbrachydactyly

Things I’ve Learned From My Kids

Posted on February 21, 2012 | 6 comments

I am far (so far) from being any kind of parenting expert but my kids have taught me a few things…

  • If your child looks guilty, even if you think it isn’t possible that they have done something wrong, they ARE guilty of doing something wrong.
  • Everything is funnier if you insert the word poop, booty and, yes, penis.
  • Anything can be turned into a vehicle or a gun.
  • Chicken nuggets taste best in dinosaur shapes.
  • You can get super excited and feel super proud about properly directed streams of pee.
  • Jelly beans make most situations better.
  • Driving with the windows down is the best way to ride in a car.
  • I don’t have to be afraid because God is always with me – they are much better at putting this into practice than I am.
  • Playdates are awesome.
  • Adding more children the same age as your own kids to a playdate actually makes it easier, until you need to feed them all, then it is chaos!
  • Sharing is very hard.
  • A good babysitter will not only keep your kids alive, but will love them (and sometimes let them watch TV before bed) (a great babysitter will get your kid to poop on the potty for the first time).
  • It’s not my job to bring reality to situations (at least not all the time) but to encourage them to dream big and try their best in all things – reality sets in soon enough.
  • Parenthood is mostly thankless but 120 percent worth it and you will only realize the work your parents put in once you have your own kids.
  • Your kids will drive you nuts on a daily basis but you would die for them in a heartbeat and certainly cause physical harm to anyone who threatens them (including, irrationally, other people’s children who are mean to your kids).
  • Never judge other parents who you see in public doing something you’d “never in a million years do” yourself because a) you never know the circumstances of their situation and b) you will/would do it.
  • The best days almost always include ice cream or cuddling, preferably both.
  • You will repeat the same phrases time and time again, with the same hopeful expectation that this time they will listen and it will be the last time you have to say that particular thing. In constant rotation will be “I don’t think [some ill-advised decision] is a good idea” and “Please don’t [maim in one way or another] your brother!”
  • If you have boys, the bathroom is never clean, particularly the toilet.

There’s so much more, but for now, that’s enough.

6 Comments

Posted in Parenting

Bad dream

Posted on February 8, 2012 | 3 comments

Last week Monday I ended up going to bed very early (8 pm) thanks to a cold and a lovely cold pill that helped me breathe (love that Muscinex D). Whenever this happens (a.k.a., I get enough sleep), I end up with very vivid dreams. That night was no exception but this particular dream was awful, truly the worst I’ve ever had and that is saying something since I can still remember handful of bad dreams from the childhood that all included something chasing me (gorillas, headless horsemen, lions) and trapping me someplace (junkyard, school, my house) – to this day I don’t like to look out windows at night for fear something or someone will pop up in them. Anywho… back to last week’s dream.

In the dream we (Simon, Liam, Jack and I) were all hanging out on a frozen over lake with a bunch of my college friends and their families. We were ice fishing and also sitting around a campfire (on the frozen lake, not sure the logistics of that one). Jack got antsy and so he and I were taking a walk around the lake and were away from everyone else and suddenly we fell through the ice and into the water. I can still feel the fall from my dream, it was so real and it makes my heart race just thinking about it. The water was ice-cold and the minute we fell in, I thought, we are going to die. I knew it without a doubt and yet I fought with all my might to push us upward, to get Jack out of the water because without me helping him, he was for sure not going to make it. And I remember kicking my legs wildly, fighting against the icy water and just praying that I would be able to get him out. It was awful, horrible, terrifying… whatever adjective for very bad you’d like to pick.

And then I woke up and I could not get that scene out of my head (still can’t). It was only 2 a.m. and I wanted to go back to sleep but every time I shut my eyes, it was on replay in my head, I could not escape the desperation and the cold grasp of death that was prevalent in that dream. After an hour or so I ended up reliving it fully in my mind and playing it out so we did get rescued and then I was able to fall back asleep. But I still can’t get the dream from my mind and the next day it made me think how it’s sort of a metaphor for all of parenting. We have children and we spend the rest of our lives fighting (on some level; some might call it raising) to push our kids to the surface, to give them the best advantage, the best chance of living a good, full life. It’s no wonder that being a parent is exhausting and at times terrifying, we’re kicking to the surface, trying to keep everyone afloat; sometimes the water we’re treading is only a couple of feet deep and in a nice backyard swimming pool but sometimes we are fighting with everything in us, in bone-chilling waters. I pray the waters we face are lukewarm and welcoming.

I have no idea where that dream came from in my sub-conscience, but I tell you what, we won’t be going out on frozen water anytime soon (if ever). Add that to the list of my fears.

3 Comments

Posted in Life in general, Parenting