Because these things are totally worth breaking my blogging hiatus to rant about…
People who stop at an intersection (usually in a parking lot) when they do NOT have a stop sign and then insist that you go when you actually DO have a stop sign because you were there first. That is nice of you an all but the rules of the road dictate that if you don’t have a stop sign, guess what, YOU DON’T HAVE TO STOP.
When my Pandora station stops playing after a short period of time when I know darn well it can go on for hours left unattended.
George’s random barking at any and every sound he hears and when he wanders off when we let him outside because he needs to smell all of the smells there are to be smelled. He’s becoming quite the neurotic little dog in his old age.
Most of the things my children do before 6 in the morning (let’s be honest, most of the things my children do anytime before I’ve had my first cup of coffee – whatever time that may be).
Spelling mistakes on menus – not that I am immune to spelling mistakes myself, but on a menu… I feel like that can be avoided with a little extra attention (and perhaps a second set of eyes editing it before sending it to print).
When it is clearly indicated that two lanes can turn at an intersection but one of the drivers takes it upon themselves to turn using both lanes. Rude. And also, dangerous. I have many moments of righteous indignation while driving.
Double spaces after a period (thanks for reminding me of this, Melody). Not necessary. Also, unless your style guide calls for it, here’s your reminder to NOT use a serial comma. And random capitalization (unless used for ironic emphasis) is a no-no. Just stop it, people.
When my husband answers his phone just to tell me that he can’t talk and he’ll call me back. I usually call him with a quick question or comment and if he’d just have let it go to voice mail, I could have left him a message but when he answers and doesn’t let me talk, I have to wait for him to call back. I have finally learned to just text him.
In all fairness, I know I do something that drives him crazy, instead of listening to a voice mail he has left me, I just call him back when I see that he has called. I am an enigma and a joy to be married to.
When my Instagram feed just stops, it makes me sad to think of the images I might have missed. And then it makes me sad that care so much what people post on Instagram.
Vague Facebook posts – vague-booking – for anything other than prayer requests; you can ask for prayers all the live long day without explaining why but if you write something like, “This sucks,” “People suck” or “So excited!” I will roll my eyes at you.
Other people writing on my calendar; because there are certain areas where I am a little anal retentive and having only my handwriting on my calendar is one of those. Yesterday Liam wanted to write the clothing themes for spirit week on the calendar and I allowed it after telling him, “This is a testament to my love for you that I’m letting you do this.”
Christina Aguilera’s stylist’s, hairstylist’s and make-up artist’s choices on The Voice; I also question the person who picked a Juniors cardigan for Pharrell. Adam and Blake I am okay with. Yes, I am the final say in fashion choices, never mind Jack asked me the other day if I was going to change into a daytime shirt to leave the house (apparently I was wearing a t-shirt I only wear for sleeping).
Accidentally clicking on the wrong program icon from my toolbar and having to wait for it to launch and load before I can close it.
Autocorrect’s continued insistence that I would like to follow “Michelle” with “Obama” every time I type it. That has never happened, autocorrect, give up the fight.
It’s fairly obvious to anyone who has been reading my blog (or who has met me in person) that I’m a fairly open book. I do have a filter when I talk to you in person (and on this here bloggity blog) but I will also answer any question you pose to me and am rarely put out by an inquiry made of me by another person. I am who I am and I don’t really see the point in apologizing for it (if I think I’m doing something wrong, I try and correct the wrong – I’m not in denial, nor do I think I’m perfect). So, to that end, here are some things that I would admit to you in person but are fairly strange things to just bring up, so instead I’m listing them here for your cringe-worthy pleasure and [hopefully] amusement; maybe they can help you feel better about yourself in comparison. And hopefully it will help you see that I am a real person, regardless of how you might perceive my life, know I’m just as flawed as the next person (maybe even more so).
While working on a map for a client, I had to look up on my Googler [thanks, Kara, for that term – it’s my new fave] which state was Utah on the map so I would be sure and note the right one. Those central western states all blend into one in my mind.
I was trying to think of the last name of the lead singer of Florence and the Machine [obviously her first name is Florence] but all I could come up with was Florence Henderson or Florence Nightingale… or Florence Machine (clearly, not it). For future reference, her last name is Florence Welch.
I often play Words with Friends on my phone while I am indisposed in the bathroom – at home and at work. [My mom just died a little because I referred to that; also perhaps anyone I play against in WWF.] This was only embarrassing once when my phone rang while I was in the restroom at work and someone else was in the stall next to me, the loudness of the ring made it obvious that my phone was out in the open. [This is not at all as bad as the person I heard talking on her cell phone in the public restroom at Meijer – I felt bad for the person on the other end of her call when she flushed her toilet.]
I pretended to be asleep very early this morning when Jack came upstairs to cuddle. After a few minutes of tucking himself in beside me, he gave up with a sigh and went back downstairs. It was 5 a.m., I cannot be expected to want to cuddle at that time.
Despite my utter disdain for Kesha [cannot, will not put the “$” in there], I have to admit to kind of enjoying her new song (Die Young) when I heard it on the Graham Norton Show – but I draw the line at EVER downloading it. I will not do that.
I sometimes drink out of the milk carton (like a stereotyped teenage boy), if you come to my house and I don’t offer you milk, that is why.
I do not look forward to helping out with Sunday school or nursery duty; I put in my time in high school and college, I feel like now that I have kids, I should get to enjoy the church service every Sunday. I do, however, still do it with a cheerful heart (or at least attempt at having one).
I totally laughed this morning when Jack pranced into the kitchen, singing, “I’m shaking my penis.” Then I admonished him and told him that was inappropriate.
I have, on many, many occasions pulled clothes out of the laundry pile and worn them again.
I often forget to brush my teeth. But I am really good about chewing sugar free gum, so hopefully I do not offend anyone with my breath.
I still refer to non-diet soft drinks as “sugar pop” because that’s what my mom always called it.
I have very nasty thoughts about other drivers and very choice words for them – in my head if I have company and out loud if I do not.
I am a procrastinator. Why do something now when you can put it off until tomorrow?
I can’t tell you the last time I mopped the kitchen floor. Or dusted anything.
I very often say stupid things in front of Simon and almost immediately follow it up with, “Don’t you dare put that on Facebook.” One of these days he’s not going to listen to me because I have posted a number of less than flattering photos of him on FB. It’s a good thing he loves me.
I feel like I might have admitted this before, but on a few occasions I have used a change in plans (a canceled play date because of illness, for example) as a way to give a consequence to my kids for bad behavior. “Well, kids, since you didn’t listen to mommy, now we can’t go on that play date at our friends’ house.” Nevermind that the plans were cancelled in advance of the bad behavior; in reality, I would never cancel an actual play date due to bad behavior because I look forward to hanging out with my friends while our kids play probably more than my kids look forward to playing with those friends.
I dislike making small talk. I would make a horrible sales person.
One year after we moved into our new office I finally unpacked the last of the boxes in our storage room but there are still six boxes of files in the conference room that I have left stacked there for a year. [see: procrastinator]
Yesterday I had a rice krispie treat for breakfast. [The same treat that caused Jack to dry heave when I told him he had to take a bite in order to have a piece of his Halloween candy.]
We still have the Halloween candy in our house which we use to bribe our children into good behavior.
I do not get up early and publish blog posts at 5:00 in the morning, I write them the day before and schedule them to post.
When I accidentally click on the wrong icon in my quick launch toolbar so then I have to wait for the program I didn’t want to load and open, only to shut it off again.
Diet Pepsi and restaurants that carry Pepsi products and suggest you get a Diet Pepsi when you’ve asked for a Diet Coke. No, Diet Pepsi is not a proper substitute for Diet Coke, I’d rather have a water (or an enema).
Autocorrect on my phone. I do not “live” my husband, I love him. I do not “flop flop,” I flip flop. No, I did not mean to randomly type “pneumonia” but instead meant “no one.” Ugh.
Cleaning urine off of various things in the bathroom thanks to boys and their bad aim.
The participants on the show The Bachelor Pad. I’ve never watched it but I know I would hate them, the clips I have seen look so annoying. In other reality show hatred, I really dislike that spazzy woman on one of the dance shows, Mary something-or-other, in real life I would be tempted to smack her when she started shrieking.
App updates in my news feed on Facebook.
Vague Facebook status updates, if you want to hint that something is going on then tell people what is going on, don’t go fishing for people to ask you what is going on.
When my can of Diet Coke runs out. Sad times.
When my children quickly do something so cute after doing something pure evil that I can’t help but smile or laugh at them. I hate missing out on righteous anger, can’t they give me that moment?
Overpriced food in restaurants. If I’m going to pay $40 for a steak, it better come wrapped in lobster and with a $20 gift card. And I should not have to pay extra for a dinner salad.
Having to pick up a soggy napkin/tissue/toilet paper to throw it away, even if it is just water.
The crunch of killing a bug.
Having my nose be cold – it’s quite pointy and sticks out there so it can get cold easily. [Side note: I ran into girl/woman I went to school with from 5th-12th grades and she said she recognized me from the side because of my nose. “That has to be Michelle.” I didn’t really know what to say to that. I don’t think it’s as noticeable as say, that girl who is married to the Jonas brother – Simon cannot let a preview for their E! show go by without commenting on her nose.]
Sweet pickles. Give me dill or give me nothing.
Parsley just sucks. Do not like.
People who don’t observe the rules of the road at four-way stops (we need more roundabouts like in Australia).
The ultrasound went well – Liam was a perfect and the ultrasound itself was only half as long as they said it would be so around the time he started to get antsy, the tech was wrapping it up. I don’t think there was a cyst but then, I’m no radiologist and the tech could neither confirm not deny anything. But she did refer to a blood vessel when she was taking images which is what the doctor thought it probably is. It still means surgery, but just a smaller cut and less to remove. I’ll keep you posted… I’m sure Liam in 15 years will be thrilled to know that his mom blogged his belly button surgery.
1. What giveaway would you like to do on your blog?
I’d love to host a giveaway that makes a difference for someone… A $25 gift card would be a nice bonus/treat but what about $250 or $2,500? That would be awesome.
2. If you had to choose between natural artistic ability and natural athletic ability, which would it be?
This is such a hard question for me. I feel like I have some natural artistic ability, or at least a whole lot of creativity. But it would be so nice to be a runner and actually like to run or be able to but there is nothing that feels natural about it to me, no matter how much I work out on the elliptical or the bike. And I completely suck at all sports. It’s true. But even so, I wouldn’t want to lose my artistic ability so I’ll stick with that.
3. Do you ditch the coat the minute it becomes “spring” or are you a holdout for more cool temps?
I actually like wearing layers in general – probably a defense mechanism at work there – but I also definitely prefer cooler temps. It could be 60s all the time and I’d be a happy camper, wearing a t-shirt and jaunty cardigan. Such a nerd.
4. What would you do if you won the mega millions lotto of 1/2 billion dollars?
Live out my life dream of being a philanthropist. And buy a house in Australia so we could split our time between here and there. And quit my job. And set up college funds for all my friends’ kids and our families non-adults.
5. You are at a hotel by yourself…what do you do?
Watch HBO and sleep. Perhaps read a book. And also take a long, hot shower. Really… what else is there?
It’s that time again, time for me to confess to you all…
I already facebooked* this one: over the weekend but I finally took down the Christmas decorations (why yes it is March, why do you ask?); comments on Facebook revealed I’m not alone in the slackerdom – aside from over-achiever, Heidi, who took hers down before Christmas but who also gets a pass because she was moving back to Michigan the following week
Related confession: we don’t put up a Christmas tree, instead I decorated the windowsill about my kitchen sink with my favorite Christmas ornaments
Another related confession: along with not having a Christmas tree, I also don’t intend to dye Easter eggs with my kids; don’t worry, they get an Easter basket and we do an Easter egg hunt (of the plastic, candy-filled variety)
I love it when Liam gets stuck on something while playing the Wii because then I get to step in and help him out. I love this for two reasons: 1) I love playing the Wii and 2) Liam thinks I’m pretty cool for that one minute
I do not love helping out in Liam’s classroom (but I also don’t hate it). In theory, this should be a great, fun experience but in reality it’s like wrangling a herd of hyperactive cats. Last week I made green eggs for 24 kids, scrambling them up for four different groups of six kids – it was the fastest 60 minutes of my life. It makes me glad I’m not a teacher (mad props to those who are) and that I don’t have 24 5-to-6 year olds – can you imagine?
I also don’t love meeting with potential new clients for the first time – the introvert in me hates making small talk while the extrovert just wants to be liked… but it’s a necessary thing if I ever want to get more business. Why can’t people just give me work over the phone or by email?
Saturday I stayed in my pj/workout clothes until mid-afternoon, this is nothing new but I just thought I should tell you.
I downloaded a Rihanna song, it’s this one:
(it’s a great song, perfect for working out, but I kind of hate Rihanna)
I socialized every night this week and couldn’t be happier about that – not so much a confession, I realize… but that’s my prerogative to share it; I also love that my kids have my social butterfly tendencies (not that Simon doesn’t, I’m just much more of a joiner, planner than he is) life is just nice when you enjoy being around people.
I fear this week won’t be as exciting and I’ll feel distant from people because last week was so chock full of stuff – the downside to having fun; you can’t keep up the pace forever.
I love, love, love my boys!
When Jack gets out of bed for the tenth time in an hour, I don’t know how much I like him. I feel bad that the last thing he hears before finally going to sleep is often me yelling at him. But if he would just GO TO SLEEP, there would be no yelling.
When my nail polish grows out of gets chipped (typically on my toenails) I simply paint over it with the same (or a darker color), I never take it off and start over unless I’m getting a professional pedicure.
As mentioned, I got a shellac manicure on Friday. Friday and Sunday nights I had nightmares that my manicure peeled off – I woke up relieved to find it was perfectly in tact. I think it’s sad that my definition of nightmare includes “nail polish that doesn’t live up to expectations”
*Yes, facebooked, I’m going to pretend it’s totally a verb, along with “googled”
Hi, I'm Michelle, married mother of two active boys (plus one 9-pound poodle). I'm a proud Michigander, having lived here all my life (besides the 10 months I lived in Chicago during/after college). I love family, friends, God, food, enjoying life and continually striving for improvement.