Category Archives: Life in general

First day, first grade

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That kid up there started first grade today – the first time he’ll go to school all day every day. While it’s not the first time he’s started school or something new, for some reason this feels like parenthood to me, one of those times when you realize you are grown up and you are not the same person you were five or ten years ago, though you often still feel like you haven’t aged a bit (look in the mirror, you are totally older and you’re not the only one). It feels poignant and important. I think because this summer did feel different despite my working every day and the kids still being in a normal routine of daycare – it was still a different feeling than that of the school year. I’m quite certain my kids would say it was a great summer, though we adults would say it definitely didn’t go as planned with Simon’s trip to Australia in there. We spent so much time with friends, with family and at the beach – nothing too amazing, but all the little things that add up to a bunch of fun. I looked back at my list of summer plans and have to laugh… more than half not done but I still feel like it was full and complete. I’m the most bummed we didn’t get to get away for a weekend to Chicago and most excited that Jack is potty trained (oh, I am a mother to have made that statement).

This morning was the only morning since school got out that my children slept in and needed to be woken up to get ready (but of course). I was a little worried this would mean Liam was going to be grumpy but when I said his name in my best sing-song mommy voice, he responded up sitting upright in bed and exclaiming, “It’s the first day of school!”

I offered him whatever he wanted for breakfast, served on our “You are special” plate (I have my good mommy moments) and he asked for a butter sandwich. Sigh. Glad I didn’t bother with something more involved. I did surprise him with a bowl of mandarin oranges (his current favorite, which he will order over fries in a restaurant – I’m not sure how he and Jack are related). He dressed in clothes picked out the night before and threw his new backpack over his shoulder – looking more than a little grown up.

Then we were off to school to meet his teacher since he missed her at back-to-school night while he was at my parents’ house last week. He very grudgingly allowed me to take a picture of him on the front steps and we waded past the kindergarteners who were already lining up so he could go in and find his locker and his desk (new to him this year). He looked so grown up in comparison to those newbies, most whose parents were dropping them off for their first day – the bigger kids would all be coming on the bus. For a few moments, once we got in his class, he reminded me that he was still a little kid (despite his demands that he is a big boy) and was a bit overcome with shyness at meeting his teacher and touring his classroom. He asked me to stay just a bit longer with him but once we emptied his backpack he was already chattering away to his teacher and my big kid came back, full of words and excitement for school. See this new shirt? It has Bumblebee on it. He’s a Transformer. I like Transformers. And Spiderman. I want to be Spiderman when I grow up. There are actually two Spidermans but the bad one is just in his head. And on and on… we walked away, after saying goodbye, knowing he was going to have a great day.

Can’t wait to hear how it goes, though I know he will have frustratingly few words to share with me in the car when I pick him up. But the stories will come out in time, he can never keep anything a secret, there are too many words in his head that need to break out. I pray he will make new friends (he has only five of the same kids from last years’ class with him in his new class) and listen to his teacher. He’s a likeable kid, the very best kind.

In the meantime, we still have this one to keep us occupied at home, or rather, Simon does as he will have Jack all to himself three days a week. And then in a couple more years, he’ll be off to school, too. But not yet.

Fear of Bees

I am, and always have been, afraid of bees. And wasps, hornets and yellowjackets. Anything that buzzes and could sting me. I’m not allergic to them (that I know of), I just hate them. When I was little and one of those little flying creatures came near me, I would run inside terrified, adrenaline coursing through my system. I still get that rush of adrenaline whenever I kill one. But the other day I was driving and thinking about things (as you do) and my mind wandered to bees and wondering what it would actually feel like to get stung (because, despite my fear, I have never been stung). It’s not like the pain would be more than momentary, like the prick of a needle. And yes, I know there can be resulting swelling and throbbing, but really, even that sort of pain isn’t worth the energy I put into my fear of bees. I could get hurt a whole lot worse in a car accident or tripping and falling on the sidewalk, yet I still drive and I still walk places – without fear and trembling.

My fear is completely irrational, as most fear can be. It made me wonder what other things in life I’m afraid of but shouldn’t be and why we let fear rule us when it comes to anything. What are we so afraid of? For me, I think it’s fear of the unknown…bees are unpredictable to me because I don’t know anything about them, but a beekeeper does not share that fear because they get how bees work, they are familiar with how they act and why they sting people (and they’ve also been stung before so they know what to expect). I have the same level of fear when it comes to bats (totally creepy) and things in the water (specifically sharks or jellyfish, but I’m also not a fan of any sort of fish/creature coming near me underwater). I don’t understand these things and they freak me out. But should they? Why do I let them have any power over me? If I can trust God to protect me on the highway, keep my kids safe while they sleep a floor away from me and guard my husband as he travels halfway around the world, why am I afraid of a little bee with its tiny little stinger?

I’ve let my fear of bees overcome me and often make me act foolishly when faced with one. While I’m not thinking I should go and seek out a bee to sting me, I don’t think I need to let the fear control me either – or rather, I should learn to temper my reaction. I can treat them with respect (I realize how crunchy-granola that sounds, respecting a bee) but let go of my fear. Same way with other things in my life. There’s that saying, “Let go and let God.” Meaning, let God take control of that thing you are holding onto, remembering that is ultimately not you who is in control anyway.

While I’m not a worrier by nature (I leave that to my mom – my dad and I used to call her “WW” to stand for “worry wart”) I do fixate on things to the point that I either avoid them or can’t sleep because they are on the edge of my conscience. Instead, I’m going to work on turning my focus to God, letting him take care of things I have no control over and trusting that he will guide me through the times when I get “stung.” So much better than freaking out and running inside (a.k.a., worrying and avoiding). Maybe I’ll become a beekeeper someday, or maybe not (probably not), either way, I’m going to look my fear in the eye and tell it to take a hike – both of bees and of other things in life. Life is unknown, uncertain but God is constant and ever-present, whatever may come.


Graduation Day!

I completely forgot to add this to my weekend list of randoms, but it is so much more worthy of its own post. We had a post-op visit with our orthopedic surgeon last week and were thrilled to find out that Jack never has to go back and see him again, his first graduation of sorts! Since Jack’s surgery in November of 2010, we’ve gone back to our doctor for regular checkups (a doctor I was amused to learn, is very interested in hand injuries from the Civil and World Wars and has written books and articles on the subject), not knowing if this would be our last or not. Each time we’ve gone, we did x-rays and the doctor checked out his hand and said everything looked great, no surprises. This time was no different and we were pleased to learn it would be our last and unless Jack ever needed a special orthotic for his hand (say if he were interested in playing baseball or golf on a very competitive level) or injured his hand in some way and needed it checked out by a specialist.

I briefly mentioned Jack’s surgery in my post about Liam’s belly button surgery, but I thought it might be helpful to someone else if I recounted in more detail the operation we opted to have for Jack because of his symbrachydachtyly on his left hand.

Shortly after Jack was born, we were referred to a hand specialist for a consultation to learn more about Jack’s hand and what options we might have in the future. Prior to this meeting we’d already figured out that it was called symbrachydachtyly and that it is found in 1 in 30,000 births and starts around 5-6 weeks gestation, for an unknown reason – it is inexplicable and there was nothing we did to cause it and nothing we could have done to prevent it.

Our doctor was impressed that we knew what it was called (we are Google professionals) and we were impressed that he said all the right things regarding it not being the fault of anything we (I, as his mom) did and that we would find there was truly nothing he wouldn’t be able to do. We quickly determined that we weren’t there for consolation but rather to learn what we could do to improve things with his hand since growing a complete one wasn’t an option.

Jack’s thumb had the end bone (at the tip, under his nail) but no middle bone to attach it to his hand. He also has the first bone in his pinky, but no actual finger around it. Having these two things gives him an opposable grip. His other fingers were actually what the doctor referred to as nubbins, little “bubbles” of skin without bone that were attached to the end of his hand without much base (like a skin tag), though they did have tiny little finger nails on them.

There were a couple options, one of which was a complete toe-to-hand transplant, which is better-suited for people who didn’t have any digits on their hand and another which was called deepening where they cut into the bone on his hand and create a deeper “v” between the thumb and pinky to give him better grip. They could also lengthen one or two of the bones in his hand using a long process and contraption that would slowly stretch/grow the bones out – very painful and again, more beneficial for someone without an existing grip or digits. The final option he described appealed to us most and was the one I think we knew we would go with from the beginning, included a less invasive bone transplant (not a whole digit transplant). Because of the missing bone in his thumb, Jack’s thumb did not have stability to give him a tight grip. He could pick things up with his hand, but if you applied any pressure, he would drop whatever he was holding. Our doctor explained that we could take a bone from one of his toes and insert it into the place of he missing bone and stabilize his thumb, this would give him the best chance at having a tighter grip – bingo! He did note that it would not increase mobility, in other words, it wouldn’t bend like a regular finger at the upper knuckle. Once we decided on the surgical route, we just had to wait until Jack was at the right age to do the surgery (post-crawling and frequent falling down) but prior to school when the surgery would be more disruptive.

At 21 months old, he was ready for surgery. During the surgery we also opted to have his nubbins removed as they were (for lack of a better word) useless. They did get in the way of his grip (since they scrunched up between his thumb and his pinky when he closed his hand) and to be very honest, the doctor said that aesthetically, people noticed the nubbins more than the smaller hand and were often more accepting of a scar with no fingers than a hand with nubbins. Take away from that what you will, we don’t regret having them removed because ultimately, they could have caused more problems by leaving them (ingrown finger nails, getting snagged on things, etc…)

The day of surgery came and we got checked into the hospital with a slightly cranky nearly-two-year-old who hadn’t been able to eat that morning (this was in the days where he at all of the things, prior to his current picky food eating ways). He really had no idea what was in store for him and you can’t explain something like that to someone his age so we just prayed that all went smoothly and that he would not be scared at any point.

We went to pediatric pre-op where my friend Stef’s husband (an orthopedic surgical resident at the hospital) found us and said hi – we had hoped he could sit in on the surgery, but it didn’t work out. They gave us some sleepy meds for Jack to take – not surprisingly he did not fall asleep (unlike the other child who was also there waiting) so the anesthesiologist came and got him and ended up carrying him back to surgery while he waved groggily at us, leaving us there in the waiting room (I will tell you that was almost the hardest moment in this whole process, but God did protect our hearts and give us peace that we were doing the right thing).

Once the surgery was done, we got to go to recovery and see Jack, who had woken up and was very out of sorts but he calmed right down in my arms and cuddled for the longest he has ever cuddled in his life (apparently he just needs pain meds and surgery to want to be held for more than 10 minutes; also, a tooth being knocked out does the trick as well – I will happily avoid both as long as I can, despite my love of cuddles).

After a couple hours of recovery, we were sent home and Jack was eating and back to his normal, happy self that afternoon. Albeit, his self with a large, tube cast from mid-upper arm, past his finger tips (hand casts usually wrap around a thumb to stay in place so Jack’s had to go a ways past his elbow to ensure that it would stay on). He also got a handy “sock” to cover the end of his cast so he didn’t pull out the stuffing around his hand.

We “enjoyed” the cast for six weeks, letting Jack live in the two borrowed-from-his-brother sweatshirts that would fit over his cast and didn’t look huge on his little body. A plastic cast cover and packing tape were enlisted for his very infrequent baths (I laugh when I think of how we must have looked during that time frame, one particular Meijer trip he looked quite fetching with his cast, dirty shirt that he’d spilled orange pop on just before we left, a face smeared with chocolate from the free cookie from the bakery and some serious bed head from a lack of baths. Alas, this is why I don’t judge people at the store.) But otherwise, it was business as usual, not at all bothered by the large plastic mass on his left arm. His toe, where they harvested the bone, was a little more bothersome but only until the stitches dissolved (I will spare you a picture of that because it wasn’t too pretty as you’d imagine when they remove a bone from the middle of a toe).

After six weeks, Jack got upgraded to a custom, velcro-on brace which was much smaller and stream-lined. I should note, the cast removal was by far my least favorite part of this whole thing, followed closely by getting the brace itself made. This was mostly because Jack was terrified of the saw used to remove the cast, his thumb hurt (as could be expected) and by the time the therapist had to look at his hand for the brace (and then have me immobilize his arm while they got it fitted) he was done with it ALL. It was the most fun. Or not.

Since his 3-month post-op check we have returned to the doctor every six months just to make sure everything was moving along as planned. The growth plate from the bone that was moved to his thumb remains open which means it will continue to grow at the same rate as his hand and be proportionate with the rest of his body. His toe has a tendency to bruise when he runs around with bare feet, but this is normal as there is not a bone to stabilize the end of his toe to his foot. And that toe will always be shorter than the rest, but will grow with his feet (meaning it won’t stay two-year-old sized forever). At our final visit, our doctor had Jack squeeze his finger with his little hand and was very impressed with the strength of his grip, saying it was better than he would have hoped going into surgery as you just don’t know the final outcome when you are doing that type of surgery. I felt a whole lot of mama pride at that moment, so proud of my kid for having that surprisingly strong grip, but also knowing God gets all the glory for how things turn out.

Other than a faint scar on the top of his thumb, you’d never know Jack has had surgery on his hand. And really, you’d almost never notice his little hand. As if I needed more proof of this, the night before his doctor’s visit, Jack used BOTH hands to do a full pull up on one of the arms of our elliptical – I see some monkey bars in his future. Do you have any doubt? Because I absolutely do not.

The doctor mentioned that the only hardships we could expect to face with this would [likely] come as he starts school and kids are aware of his hand and ask questions and then in his teen years when all teens are struggling to just fit in and not be different or really stand out. I think that Jack’s perfectly suited to handle both this situations with a personality that you can’t help but love and a confidence you can’t help but admire.

That’s our story, or at least one chapter, because I have a feeling the story is going to get better and better. Just you wait.

Saturday Randoms

This might not have the same ring to it as other randoms, Saturday Randoms just doesn’t seem to work.

  • Jack keeps randomly saying something along the lines of “My hands/legs/belly/body feel fluffy” in a tone that indicates this is an unwelcome feeling. Each time I look at him when he says this, hoping I don’t find he has something unsavory smeared on that body part, and each time the skin is clean and clear and I am relieved. But I wish I could figure out what he meant by fluffy.
  • I’ve found a new protein source for Jack – Zone bars, because he thinks they are candy bars.
  • Liam wrapped up his summer program on Wednesday and when I asked him what his favorite thing was from the school age program, he said, “My teachers because they were so nice and fun and liked to talk to me.” Melt my heart. And also, success!!
  • Now that the summer program is wrapped up, Liam is intent on getting to come to work with me, though I am not sure what he thinks I do there and why he thinks it would be fun. We do have a box of toys in our front bookshelf but that will only entertain him so long. I do think that on Monday, Simon will drop him off here and we’ll see how much fun he has.
  • I’m eagerly awaiting fall television season kick off… though the new television of the summer has not left me lacking. [In all honesty, I’m just missing my guilty pleasure of watching new episodes of The Vampire Diaries, there, I admitted it (once again).]
  • In prepping for Sandy’s shower, Stephenie and I have realized how deprived of crafting we must have been because we are going a little nuts (or maybe just me) but I love “branding” things and adding creative and thoughtful details. I told Simon, it’s like getting ready for our wedding all over again, I’m not sure whether or not that offended him – I assure you, honey, our wedding was a much bigger deal! I can’t wait for the shower to celebrate Sandy and Baby Girl Hop!!! Doing things = my love language.
  • I’ve thus* far avoided any political commentary on Facebook, I just refuse to make political or religious statements in that media outlet, which is not to say I don’t make statements of faith but faith and religion are not synonymous, sometimes related, but not the same thing. [*Note to autocorrect, this is an instance where I would use the word “thus.”]
  • Am considering a juice cleanse. Is this crazy? I don’t think so. I could use a chance to break my Diet Coke and coffee habit (also my bread and cheese habit, though it is much less “necessary” to my daily life).
  • A woman in the office across the hall has been bringing her 8-week-old apricot-colored, golden-doodle to work with her. His name is Oscar and he is afraid of the front door and oh-my-gosh, he is adorable. Freaking adorable. I want one. [Dear George, I know you can’t read (or use the Internet) but know that I still love you.]
  • We still don’t know who Liam will have as a teacher this year, school starts in 12 days. Thankfully my kid is very go-with-the-flow and doesn’t get anxious about such things, but it would be nice to know. I’m hoping he’ll get the one male teacher, we shall see.
  • I won two things this week, which makes me think I need to enter a third thing to see what I could win… my winning endeavors were a box of goodies from Sugar Momma’s and the winning 100th caption at my friend’s awesome website Ya Don’t Say. I’m thinking of picking this print as my prize.
  • I had a skin tag frozen off at the doctor this week… the only thing really notable about that was that because it was on my upper inner thigh, it was a little too close to an area I’d really prefer to keep liquid nitrogen away from. I had a moment’s pause about my doctor’s skill and then went ahead and hoped for the best. I survived with all my bits in tact. I’m sure you are pleased to know this (unless you are my dad or brothers, in which case you never want to speak of thus again). It’s my blog and I’ll blog about what I want to…
  • I feel I ought to confess that I have a Justin Bieber CD sitting on my laptop. It’s not mine (honest), I borrowed it from Stef so I could make a copy (true story). You could judge me but then you’d have to admit you downloaded a Phil Collins song or a Wilson Phillips album and also sing along to Snoop DoggLion.

Five Question Friday

Is it Friday already? This week has seemed to drag on and at the same time, fly right by. Lots of fun stuff has been happening and lots of fun stuff to look forward to for the weekend: Greek Festival, Sandy’s baby shower, date night with my hubs, brunch with friends and beach with small group friends (I sure wish weekends could be 3-4 days long instead of 2). Then it’s the last week before school and our new schedule of crazy. So fun.

1. If you could have been (could be) any profession you wanted (brains and $$$ no problem) what would it be?
When I was in high school (and the first semester of college) I wanted to be a pediatrician, or a pediatric surgeon of some sort. Obviously my dedication to the profession did not hold out, but instead I decided that caring for my own children would be enough and switched my major from pre-med to art (I was not alone in this switch, of the four people at my biology lab table, only one stayed pre-med and the rest of us switched after one semester to art, education and business). I think I would still be a doctor if I could or wanted to do all the schooling, I love being at the hospital and I love helping others. Short of that, I would be a philanthropist… finding causes to champion and support and giving money to those who were deserving and needed it.

2. How often do you clean out your car?
You mean, how often does my husband clean out my car. While his car can get loaded with stuff (from rugby and work) he hates having clutter in the swagger wagon so about once a month he cleans it out and complains heartily about the crumb situation. We have the cleanest, tidiest minivan of anyone I know, except maybe my friend, Tracey, whose husband washes their vehicles in their driveway every Saturday it is above freezing.

3. Do you wish there was such a thing as fashion police or are you deeply relieved?
I really don’t give it much thought. If they were judging me, I’m sure there would be good days and bad days, but I don’t know that my self-esteem could handle being torn apart, even by people who had the best of intentions. So I’m rather glad it’s not okay for people to just approach you in life and tell you that you look like poo, alternately, I do wish people would tell you when you looked wonderful, but then I fear if no one every said anything to you that you would wonder if it was because you looked like poo all the time. That would be a bummer.

4. What’s your go to food/drink/activity when stressed?
Food – anything salty and/or Mexican. Drink: Diet Coke/coffee. Activity: Venting/chatting with friends.

5. If you had twins, what would you name them?
In this magical world where you get saddled with twins, I’m going to pretend that they are both girls because we used both our boy name choices with Liam and Jack and I can’t imagine having to decide on another one or two. But for two girls, I have names: Fiona Grace and Sydney Lynn (just one girl would be Fiona Lynn). I love the name Fiona and it would go perfectly with Liam and Jack (a trio of British children). Grace was the middle name we had picked if Liam would have been a girl. Sydney is an homage to Simon’s birthplace (technically Mona Vale, but no matter). And Lynn was my aunt’s name who passed away when I was pregnant with Jack. The only reason I ever hoped for a girl instead of a boy with Jack was to be able to pay tribute to Aunt Lynn, one of my most favorite people in the world.


Linking up with Mama M for Five Question Friday.