Category Archives: Life in general

Tuesday Grace Letters: Dear future self

Posted on March 4, 2014 | 3 comments

I wrote this letter in response to the assignment from Kara at Mundane Faithfulness… click the image at the bottom of the post to read more letters from other bloggers and to learn more about Kara and her heartbreakingly amazing story.

The assignment: I want to you write a letter of grace to yourself 10 years from today. Include pictures of your life now, but hopes and dreams and fears you have for yourself, your loves, your life in ten years.

Dear 2024,
Ten years into the future doesn’t seem like a long time until I consider the ten years that have just passed – 2004 seems like a lifetime ago. So I think it is safe to say that another ten years will seem like another lifetime. Wow.
I will be fast-approaching 50 – likely more than halfway through life (Lord willing). I don’t know the heartaches that will have been felt and lived through, though I can imagine what they might be, I pray they don’t seem like too much to handle and that you remember to turn to God for strength – He will always carry you, especially when taking another step just doesn’t seem doable. He will also give you the best blessings and gifts you will ever know, be thankful for each and every thing. I pray you grow closer to Him, putting him ever first. I pray you love your family above all other people and serve them well. I pray that you are content with life – in spite of any challenges and that any area that feels like it is lacking is simply a blip on the screen, or an opportunity for growth and learning. May you be blessed with friendships to sustain you and love to surround you and a confidence in yourself and your abilities that allows you to let go of anxiety.

My dear husband… you’ll be hitting 50 just before me. And we’ll be approaching almost 20 years of marriage – in fact, I will have known you a greater part of my life than the part that came before I knew you. I often forget that you don’t know all the details of the time before you were around – not that I’ve kept anything from you, just simply that you weren’t already a part of it, you are so much a part of my life now, you fit perfectly and know me so well. I pray the years of working opposite shifts and single-parenting our kids are long behind us, that we will look to this current stage of our lives and know we are stronger for it, having made it through to the other side of this seemingly endless stretch that is having two younger BOYS and parenting in mostly single-shifts. I pray for good health and no knee replacements (darn rugby). I pray that you become the man that God wants you to be and grow in your faith and step into leading our family spiritually – setting the very best example of what a godly man can and should be for our two young men. I pray you feel loved most by God, then me and then our boys – that you know you are cherished, even when we humans fail at showing you that.
Liam – you will be turning 18 this year – practical adulthood by legal standards. You’ll be completing high school and heading out onto college (I sure hope) – leaving our home to launch into the real world (or as real as college gets). I am so excited to see the person you’re going to become – I get glimpses from time to time with the things you tell me and how you treat your friends. You have the potential to be so kind and generous, I pray that you lean in that direction and turn away from your impulses toward anger and frustration, that you train your heart to respond in love and empathy. You are a sponge for learning – about the world, about music, about God, about anything and everything – I pray you always absorb what the world has to offer you, discerning what is good and worth keeping and discarding the things that will hold you back. I pray you have someone to look to for guidance (whether myself, your dad or someone else), someone who is your voice of reason and sounding board. That you have built friendships that will last a lifetime and that make you a better man. I pray that you learn from your mistakes and never have to repeat them. I hope that you and Jack will be best friends, he’s the brother God gave you and you two will have each other no matter where you go in life. I’m excited for you to be starting a new stage in your life… heading out into the first step in adulthood, hopefully we have prepared you and you look to God first.
Jack, Jack, Jack – you will be 15 and no doubt itching to be heading off the college like your brother but you’ll still have a few more years. At five, you’ve long felt that your life is just one long, unfair game of catch-up with your older brother – I hope that at 15, you’ve discovered the precious truth that playing catch-up is not the way to go and that there is a path set out just for you that has nothing to do with following along behind your brother. God put you second in the birth order for a reason, He has plans for you. You are on the cusp of adulthood, still dependent on us for rides to get you from place to place, straining to be just that little bit older. I pray for contentment for you, the same as with me, that you find happiness where you are, not where/who/what you think you ought to be. I pray that God safeguards your heart against frustration when it comes to your hand and gives you friends who make anyone who can’t see past that difference just not matter. I pray that just as you need strength, that you will also be given a gentleness that will allow you to love and let others in… your independence is a good thing but it should not keep you from needing others in your life.

I pray that both of my boys, nearly men, look to God for guidance, comfort and wisdom. That they are beacons of light in the world. That they will love us as parents and friends, and always delight in coming home.
George (I’m not going to pretend he’ll be reading this but he is a part of our family)… our first “practice” child, born the day before we got married. Just the other day Jack started crying because Liam was talking about the dog we theoretically will get when George dies and my sweet youngest didn’t “want Georgie to die.” Me neither. But that heartache will come, through hopefully not for many more years. Our lives are better for having loved and cared for our neurotic little pet.

No matter what has happened, I pray we have no regrets, no worries that cannot be handled and lives warmed by friendships, laughter and faith.

We are never promised easy, but we are promised heaven and all the rest is part of the journey.

3 Comments

Posted in Contentment, Faith, Family, Life in general, Tuesday Grace Letters, who is ememby, Writing

It’s the morning

Posted on February 28, 2014 | 3 comments

A week or so ago I happened upon a gadget that seemed perfect for our house… a waterproof, rechargeable bluetooth speaker so we could listen to our music in the shower (just streaming it from our phones wasn’t loud enough to hear over the water). It was an impulse purchase, made possible by using Amazon points from our credit card so I didn’t have to pay anything for it and it arrived a day later thanks to Amazon Prime shipping… gotta love that.

I like music, Simon likes music and our kids both like music… it makes our lives happier. Being able to listen to it first thing when I’m just waking up in the shower, yes, it’s a luxury, but it’s also a great way to start the day. And watching the kids bop around in the bathtub while they listen to their favorites (“Everything Is AWESOME!” from the Lego movie is currently on repeat, endless repeat), well, that just makes my heart happy. It’s a simple thing, but one that has made a happy difference to us.

This morning a song I have heard a hundred times, including live during one of the multiple occasions I’ve seen David Gray in concert, came on and the lyrics really struck me:

Please be patient with your life… it’s the morning and you’re still to live your day.

We rush through life, in a hurry to get to the next thing… waiting expectantly for what’s to come. But sometimes we’re called to wait, to pause, to have patience. To enjoy the moment and where we are and to realize that better things are still to come but great things are currently happening. And if we are in the midst of difficulty, to remember that it is [perhaps] just the beginning of the story, that there is more to come; nothing is final. The day is just dawning. There is still more life to be lived. The rest of the day is still to come.

– – –

If you want to hear the song:

3 Comments

Posted in Life in general, Music

Wednesday Musings

Posted on February 26, 2014 | 3 comments

It’s still cold. There, I said it. It was warm for a couple days – was it just last week (!?) – but prior to that we got 8 inches of snow and since then it’s been cold. I really don’t normally mind winter, but this is a wee bit excessive with all the snow and polar vortex stuff happening. Really, the past year’s worth of weather has been a bit extreme with floods, high heat, ice storms and over 100 inches of snow and more below 0° days than the last 15 years. Something is up. I’m just saying… do not be surprised by anything this year, weather-wise.
I am a person who blogs about weather. You are (now) a person who reads blogs about weather. I’m sorry for both of us.
My children seem immune to the cold and can regularly be found running around shirtless. This is in great part thanks to my father who set the example for them that when you get too hot, you just take your shirt off. They think he is awesome and can do no wrong so when they run around for more than 5 minutes, off come the shirts. Simon doesn’t really sweat (he still stinks, just doesn’t sweat – aren’t you all glad I shared that – Simon especially) and I think Jack will take after him but Liam is a sweaty Betty like my side of the family – well, my dad’s side of the family (and myself). I have to open the bathroom window (even during a polar vortex) when I blow dry my hair. Liam is dripping after jumping around playing the Wii (because of course it is necessary to jump when you are playing a video game – it makes your guys work better). Poor kid.
The Voice is back again… this makes me happy.
The Olympics are over – sad face – but now there are new shows once again.
Simon and I have decided to start watching “The Americans” with Keri Russell (and also that actor who played one of the brothers on “Brothers & Sisters”). We have watched one episode on Amazon Prime (love my Prime) Instant Video… the new season starts tonight so we’ll record it and hopefully catch up mid-season. Let me just stay that it’s a little strange watching “Felicity” as a Russian sleeper spy in 80s America.
After a long break from them, I made Carmelitas again… they are just as good as ever. Have you made them? Always make the double batch and just ignore the fact that you have to use 3 sticks of butter for the 9×13 pan. Trust me. Ignorance is bliss.
One time I made Carmelitas and didn’t have any caramels so I made homemade ones and that was the very best and very worst idea ever because in addition to the 3 sticks of butter in the carmelita batter, you also use copious amounts of butter (2 or 3, I can’t recall), brown sugar and sweetened condensed milk to make homemade caramels. Delicious and oh so very bad.
I have an iced americano problem… for some reason I can drink coffee unsweetened if it is cold and really strong. I just add a hit of cream and it’s good to go. I may not drink Diet Coke any more but I still get my caffeine.
I also have a book problem… reading, buying, collecting… it all makes me happy. There are worse problems to have, of course, but it’s probably not “normal” to get so much joy out of simply looking at a stack of books.
Jack has gone off of chicken nuggets at home so in order to get protein in him without having to eat every meal in a restaurant with chicken nugget approval we’ve resorted to feeding him spoonfuls of peanut butter and greek yogurt. Left to his druthers, he’d simply eat Vegemite on toast or Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal for every meal. And Sweet Chili flavored mini rice cakes, because of course the kid who won’t eat normal things like cheese and pizza LOVES Sweet Chili rice cakes (or poppy chips, as he calls them). We did have a two week stint where he like bagels with cream cheese. It gave me a glimmer of hope that was once again dashed. I realize that we created this picky food monster but since he started solids as a baby, if he didn’t like something, he would gag or dry heave to get it out of his mouth so rather than deal with that on a daily basis, I just feed him what I know he will eat and figure that at some stage he will expand his menu options… that or we’ll be eating chicken nuggets at his wedding.
Liam continues to eat most anything we put in front of him so at least I know one child is less screwed up on the food/eating spectrum.
I fell asleep on the couch last night and never heard Simon come home even though he reports that George both barked and jumped off of and back onto me when Simon came home. I woke up an hour or so later and thought it was strange that Simon wasn’t home from work yet until I realized that all the lights had been turned off. It really isn’t all that interesting to tell you any of that but I was a little unsettled that I never even stirred in the midst of that noise and a small animal jumping around on me. And no, I didn’t have anything to drink nor did I take a sleeping pill before this happened. I was apparently just really tired. And yes, I am still “talking” about it. You’re still reading. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
We’re starting a new study in small group, reading “Satisfied” by Jeff Manion, and before our next meeting we are supposed to count all the shirts and shoes that we own. That should be interesting. And humbling. And perhaps nauseating.
I’m sorry that this is all I have for you today… I think of things to blog about all day long – or at least once a day… but actually blogging about them does not happen because of many things: work, life, children, TV, books, laziness, lack of motivation, sleep, what have you. But I miss being here… someday, I’ll be more regular, until then… keep on, keeping on…

3 Comments

Posted in Life in general

Tuesday Randoms

Posted on February 11, 2014 | 3 comments

I was talking with a friend, observing that we always say things like, “when life slows down…” but I think this is just the pace of life from now until retirement, or at least until the kids are out of the house. I kind of like it – the being busy. I mean, I have my moments where I need to take a beat and go to bed early or say no to a social outing (both very rare things, indeed).
I am loathe to admit it, but I downloaded a Kesha (I refuse to use the $ in her name) song – more exactly, I downloaded a Pitbull song that happens to feature Kesha. Because Liam asked me to. I also downloaded “Happy” by Pharrell Williams and Daft Punk’s “Get Lucky” and I’m sure I’ll be getting “Everything Is Awesome!” from the Lego movie after we take the kids to see it on Friday. My music tastes are easily swayed by pop culture and sometimes 7.5-year-olds.
I have found a sporting event that Simon doesn’t care about: the Winter Olympics. More ironically, I cannot not get enough of them and have been watching every evening and getting real-time scores on my phone (because while I like watching, the anticipation of not knowing how the athletes are going to do makes me crazy). But, it still baffles me that the man who watches every cooking competition and mindless sport on TV could care less about such a big event – just because his country of origin isn’t overly represented. I fully expect that when he carries dual citizenship that he will take an interest in the Winter Games.
We’re driving to Texas again for Spring Break… start praying for us now. Our much shorter road trip to Cleveland at Christmas was not as smooth as one would hope (though it went about as well as I expect from my kids who are like oil and water to each other) and Simon and I just shook our heads at the thought of two days and 20+ hours in the car together. I guess we can always drug them. I kid.
I’m trying out TRESemmé’s new Heat Activated 7 Day Keratin Smooth Treatment that claims “works with the heat of your flat iron to transform unruly hair into salon-smooth hair that even lasts for one week.*” Amusingly, both on the box and on their website, the asterix at the end of the claim does not refer to any disclaimer statement that I could find – perhaps they mean it even lasts one week if you don’t touch your hair again and sleep in an upright position. So far it smells fantastic and my hair is beautifully smooth – we’ll see how it goes tomorrow. Simon even complimented my hair this morning so it must look noticeably different.
Simon and Jack had birthdays last week/over the weekend. We celebrated with family on Saturday and had a great evening out with the grown-ups that we have now decided should be an annual tradition. That’s a sure sign of success when you want to repeat something again and again.
Simon’s gift was/is tickets to Dave Matthew’s Band this summer… it was a real hardship to get him something I will not enjoy in the least… I mean really, I took one for the team.*
We had a surprisingly good shopping trip to Costco yesterday… one where I was totally that mother complimenting her children on their good manners and smiling as they hugged each other and practically skipped out of the store holding hands while Liam sweetly commented about how good I was at steering the shopping cart. I’ll pause to let you imagine that in all its saccharine sweetness… are your teeth aching yet? I feel like the next dozen trips are going to be awful to make up for it… and I will be there, bewildered and wondering what happened to all the sweetness. I believe my kids have mastered the skill of keeping me guessing and pulling out a medal-worthy performance when it counts – much like America’s sweetheart, skier Julia Mancuso.
Bob Costas has double pink eye, which he amusingly keeps referring to as a common eye infection – apparently he is too good for pink eye. I feel terrible for him because the Olympics are kind of his thing and it’s painful to even watch him on screen. Thankfully Matt Lauer is stepping in for him tonight. Pink eye is the worst. It is not, however, caused by getting poop in your eye as my husband said it was last night – I’m sure he’ll appreciate my sharing that with you. I will note that it can be caused by a cold virus, herpes or gonorrhea (welcome freaky Googlers).
Has anyone else tried the Swanson’s Thai Ginger Broth? If not, you should, my friend Kristy introduced me to it and we have made this soup three times since December… it is DELICIOUS. I add the following: 2 quarts regular chicken broth, the meat from a whole rotisserie chicken, 1 tsp. each curry and ginger, Thai stir fry noodles.
I decorated the house for Valentine’s and while Simon refused to say “it looks like cupid threw up on this house,” he totally wanted to. He hates to be predictable and I love that he is.
Not sure who is more looking forward to the Lego movie, Simon and I or the boys… cannot wait!

* I am totally lying because DMB is one of my faves and concerts in general are my happy place.

3 Comments

Posted in Life in general, Random

Five

Posted on February 6, 2014 | 3 comments

Wah wah… someone is five today and that someone is my baby! What the what?! Thankfully the kid is on the small side so he doesn’t yet look like a five year old to me… more like 3.5 or 4 (which is perfect since he is just finally fitting into 4T clothes :)). But I still know that in reality, he is FIVE. Break my little heart. This just will not do.

In a little over 6 months he’ll be starting kindergarten. He writes his name and can count to 800 (for real – the kid has more stamina and stubbornness than I can even comprehend… the other night he walked in a circle and counted to 250 for no reason, whereas his older brother gets bored after reaching 20).

His tenacity and non-stop personality will serve him well in years to come, but my, do they make me exhausted by the end of each day. He would quite literally talk your ear off if you let him… though he still feigns shyness when he first meets people.

There is absolutely nothing he can’t or won’t try to do (unless it is food). Especially if it means showing his brother up… like swimming lessons.

He equal parts adores and loves to antagonize his big brother. And his parents 🙂

I love hanging out with this kid and hearing what he has to say… my favorite from the past week was: “Mom, if we had $1000, we’d be rich and our house would be filled with money… even the light switches would be made out of money.”

While I don’t miss the carpool line at Liam’s old school, I do miss the time spent waiting with Jack in the car at least three days a week… but now we get to spend that time at home where he asks me to rub his back or cuddle with him (for seconds at a time, can’t spend too much time sitting down).

Jack loves his dad and is so proud that they both love chocolate shakes and Vegemite sandwiches. The fact that he will eat Vegemite is still amazing to me as he is the pickiest of eaters (i.e., more stubborn than I am when it comes to food choices) and his list of acceptable foods is laughably short and includes mostly brown/tan foods, and inexplicably, strawberries.

Happy Birthday to my big boy, Jackers Knackers… you might be the youngest in the family but you have the biggest personality by far. Love you to the moon and back.