Funny text exchanges

Because I don’t delete my text conversations, Simon rolls his eyes at me when I tell him the number it shows next to certain friends’ names which indicates the ridiculous number of texts we’ve sent back and forth to each other… but we all avoid talking on the phone and it’s much nicer to go back and forth with a friend in a non-public setting (people who have endless conversations on each other’s facebook walls, I’m looking at you). I was super sad when my phone up and died earlier this year, not just because it was a huge pain the rear, but also because I lost all my texts and that made me sad. Some awesome tidbits were in that back log… pregnancies, birthday wishes, unexpected relocations back to Michigan, silly exchanges… and they were lost. Woe to me (first world problems, I have them).

In the interest of not losing these things… here are some text exchanges that have amused me, names withheld to protect the innocent (a.k.a., my friends who share my texting “problem”).

Me: I’m baaack! [meaning, I got my phone back]
Her: Yes! Yes! Yes!
Her: Oh… and I’m pregnant?
Me: What… for real? This does not seem like a joke thing so OH MY GOODNESS!! SO HAPPY!
[same person, couple months later]
Me: You just butt-dialed me.
Her: Actually you were in my front pocket… so I baby-dialed you!

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Her: Just remembered the downside to warmer weather… more baths. Ideally, that is.
Me: I was thinking the very same thing today… guess my kids will be stinky
Her: At least my kids will be in good company.

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Her: Seeing you always warms the cockels of my heart. Except I talked too much. I hate when I do that.
Me: You did not talk too much… I wonder if this is a common misconception on both our parts.
Me: PS I feel the same way about the cockel-warming. 🙂
Her: Nothing worse that cold cockels. Except maybe finding egg drippings in your turtleneck two hours later.
Me: Better than two days later.

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Me: In other news… Is it my archenemy, a squirrel?
Her: At least it’s not in your bed.
Me: Thank God for small favors (or relatively large ones, because a creature in my bed would freak me the frak out)

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Her: Our friends just had a baby named Liam, joining his big brother Jack.
Me: This probably means I could never be friends with them.

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Her: And the KY “date night” display at the end of the diaper aisle seems very out of place.
Me: Eww, why go there in the diaper aisle? No place I feel more in the mood. Really.

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Her: I’m watching Oklahoma. I think I’m a nerd.

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Her: We’re on a date but can send when I get home.
Me: Please, hurry home from your date and get me that recipe, woman., Where are your priorities?
Her: Told [hubby] we had to go 🙂

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Me: Dawson (a.k.a., James vanderbeek) had a baby today and now I feel old.
Me: I follow the beek on Twitter, this is how I know. Sad.
Her: Did Dawson name his kid after a fruit or color??

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Me: How ate you today?
Her: I ate ok…
[both of our autocorrects thwarted our efforts to type “are”]

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Her: We ate neurotic crazy people.
Her: We ARE
Her: Didn’t take up cannibalism

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Her: I’m blaming the time change for all of this bedtime angst.
Me: I’m blaming my crappy kids.

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Her: Choice? Chioce? neither are looking right

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Me: Just left the van door open while we were at Target.
Her: Did you check for stowaways.
Me: Didn’t but we just gave them a ride to Kava House
Her: Well, aren’t they lucky?

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Her: How’s your night?
Me: Praying for the boys to finally fall asleep and drinking wine…
Her: Drinking crystal light
Her: You win.

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Her: Top of my list of things I don’t love: grumpy husbands
Me: Trump card, you are making another human
Her: Exactly. 🙂
Me: Poo on him 🙂

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Her: If I could go back and tell my college self some words of advice, one thing I would say would be to get some damn sleep already.
Me: And take up running.
Her: And don’t major in poli sci
Me: And don’t bother with premed
Her: Enjoy all the friend time. It will NEVER be like that again.
Her: Also, switch to diet coke ASAP, Sprite is going you no favors.

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Me: What vibe am I putting out there?
Her: You’re crazy and you know it!

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Her: [she] is annoying in all forms… maybe she can become a life coach?

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Me: I dreamt two nights ago of Nathan Fillion, downton abbey, a bag of umbrellas and a rapid squirrel.
Her: A fast squirrel or a poisonous squirrel?

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Me: Thanks for the diet coke PSA
Her: Just trying to help 🙂
Me: I’ll quit when you do.
Her: Maybe the week after we quit sugar?
Me: But first I need to give up coffee
Me: diet coke is safe for now
Her: Hooray!!

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Her: Diet coke is good for the heart and the teeth.
Me: It’s practically a health food.

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