For your amusement…

It has been far too long since we had a recounting of all the bizarre search terms that lead people to this blog (past versions here). It is actually quite heartening to see some of the terms like the ones looking for bible verses or inspirational phrases or that include questions about symbrachydachtyly. But then I see all the many, many search terms for some variation of “freakishly long toes” and “ingrown nails” and I question humanity and wonder why all those people want to see pictures of freakishly long toes or ingrown nails and why, 4 times, people specifically searched for “ememby feet photo.” Ewww. And shudder. Also, people clearly still miss and love Skidz pants because that is in the top five most popular items that led people here, right after “roll ’em Fernfock.”

Others that have tickled my funny bone:

• teachers tutorial | Lord help the students of a teacher looking for a tutorial on how to be a teacher. You are in the wrong profession.
• adorable+preteen+blog | Well, this is a blog. It is not adorable, nor is about preteens so sorry, you are 1 for 3. Also… stop searching for blogs about adorable preteens – no good can come of that for anyone.
• there are two things I would rather do in my life | Than what? If you’re going to be that specific in a search, you’d think you’d include the thing you’d rather not be doing… And why limit yourself to only two things? Be creative and shoot for at least five things – you can do it!
• ducklings blown away | Really? Firstly, ducklings aren’t that big so them being blown away is not going to be much to look at. And, just… gross. If you are looking for an “adorable+duck+picture,” click here. Much better than ducklings being blown away, you big dummy.
• things that perplex a person | This search term makes me imagine some sad little person, suffering from insomnia who decides they have exhausted all other search options for the internet and now they must know more about things that perplex other people (or just a single person) so they can concern themselves with other people’s perplexities.
• listen hand | I read this as “Listen, hand…” said with great attitude like the person was going to tell that hand right off. In reality, the person was probably searching for the term “listen to the hand” but left off those two small words as the search results would have come back with too many possibilities (user tip: put your phrase in quotes so the only results will match that exact phrase). [Edited because I had a brain fart. Left in for your further enjoyment.]
• we all stumble or fall but it is what we do for ourselves die with us | This seems like it might be two different quotes (maybe even three) and right now it is currently beyond me to figure out what this person might have meant. Perhaps it’s actually a very deep thought… no, it just doesn’t make sense.
• instagram photo of girl sitting in sink licking plate | Personally, I prefer to use my dishwasher.
• couldn’t stop messing my diaper | Either a very advanced baby who knows how to type was using Google OR someone out there needs to visit a gastroenterologist and maybe not my blog.

And in all fairness, here are some of the search terms I’ve used recently:

• rainbow loom storage
• how many countries are there in the world
• pillsbury crescent sausage
• synonym finder
• detritus
• height of normal 7 year old
• vintage aluminum camping bunk
• minecraft vector art