Category Archives: Family

Seven

Posted on August 8, 2013 | 4 comments

Dear boy (despite how you may feel, you are still a boy and I just might lapse and call you my baby at some point in this post – deal with it)… Today you are seven! SEVEN! If I write it enough, it starts to not even look like a word, which is appropriate because I still cannot believe it’s been seven years since you arrived in our lives. It seems like forever ago and a quick, bright flash all at once. Improbable.

Here are seven things I’d like to tell you to honor your seventh birthday:

1. I’m so proud of the things you’ve accomplished this year. You fought through your fear of the deep water and survived swimming lessons (though you still tell me you really hated them – but you can swim so that’s the part we focus on).

You lost your first tooth (and quickly after that your second and your third).

You completed first grade, better coming out than when you went in. And you learned the art of telling a story (nevermind that all your stories involve some form of superhero and/or monsters and/or light sabers).
2. You are an amazing reader, a skill I hope serves you as well as it has me! I loved and still love to read. And I love hearing you read… it’s incredible to me that you went from reading song titles on our car stereo to flying through second-grade level books.
3. I hope you always love learning and experiencing new things as much as you do right now. You soak it all up and spit it all back out to us (even when we don’t have time to listen – I wish we had all the time in the world to listen to you).

4. You have a big heart (and a big temper – that goes hand-in-hand with feeling big feelings). You either love something or you hate-ity hate it (though we only hate things, not people, except robbers, because they are the worst; dumb “heady heads” you would call them).

5. I love that you still give me hugs and cannot hide when you are completely thrilled with how things in your life are going. Don’t get too cool for either of things, I forbid it.
6. You are a kind and generous friend. You would happily give to others what you have and not expect something in return (though you are not shy about asking for something that you want from someone who can give it to you). I love more than I can tell you that your BFF was the kid that came into your class knowing hardly any English and you became his friend and helped him navigated the starting-to-be-rocky waters of first grade. That is the very best thing you can do for someone, help make their difficult times a bit easier. 7. You are awesome to hang out with and I love the time we get to spend together, just the two of us.

And I know that dad and Jack love the times they spend with you, too. Remember to always love them – they are the only dad and brother that God gave you and the men that will always stand by you.

Happy Birthday, notorious LSB! You are all sorts of awesome!

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Posted in Family

I get it…

Posted on May 10, 2013 | 4 comments

So I’ve been going to this parenting class, I’ve mentioned it a couple times here so it should come as no surprise. It should also come as no surprise that I don’t have it all together when it comes to parenting, or life in general, I think as a general rule bloggers are the people who readily admit that we don’t have it all together because what else would we blog about (aside from those “perfect” life bloggers who appear to do no wrong, have fabulously decorated houses and never, ever complain; see also: lying liars)? I blog, therefore I have faults – that’s my motto.

But back to the parenting class. I signed up on a whim because with our being gone to Texas and then volunteering the two Sundays on either side of the trip I had missed announcements for quite a while at church but then I got an email and saw the class was starting that evening AND there was childcare. I told myself, if I email and there is space for me, then I am meant to go. I emailed and didn’t hear anything back right away and in the back of my mind, I thought, okay, no need to go to the class then. But I ignored that voice, the one telling me to not take the first step and instead I called the person in charge of the class and she had been having email issues that day but she was glad to hear from me and said that me and my little boys were welcome that evening – the voice of reason and good decisions won out with this one (I will gladly tell you that it was that pesky devil telling me not to go to the class and I’m glad I ignored him).

So why did I think I needed the class? There are many reasons, the two biggest being Liam and Jack. I owe it to them to be the best parent I can be and to arm myself with the best resources and tools to be that best parent. Am I a bad parent? No – not by any stretch of the imagination. But could I be a better parent? Could I be more loving? Talk kinder? Give them more of what they need from me and less of what they don’t? For sure.

I recently said to Simon, “Whatever we’re doing isn’t working so we need to figure out something else.” Another mom in my class repeated that very same thing when we were talking about why we were there and I knew I was in the right spot. Further cemented when someone mentioned the book “1-2-3 Magic” and I happened to have a copy with me in my purse. And not too long ago I was watching a video of the boys from when back was around 1, shortly after Simon started working second shift and they were making each other laugh and Liam poked Jack in the face and I nicely said to him (in the video), “Hey Liam, don’t poke your brother in the face” and in that moment, hearing my calm self from three years ago, I knew there was no way I would have the same reaction today, with the same amount of calmness. I have lost my patience one too many times and at this stage, I need a little help to find it again.

I said in my anniversary post to Simon that marriage is hard work – and it totally is – but so is parenting. Harder yet than marriage because once you have a child, no matter what happens to them for the rest of your life, you are a parent. It’s rewarding, it’s wonderful and it’s so worth it but it is hard. It’s also relentless, serious and life-changing business, both for you and for your kids. As a parent you are raising future adults – it’s your job to prepare them for the world, to make sure they can function and be their own separate selves, apart from you.

There is no formula for being the perfect parent, or for even being a good parent. All children are different and need different things at different stages in their lives. Some seasons of life are more challenging than others and some peoples’ lives seem easier than others (rest assured, they are not – at least not always). Aside from the element of prayer (for me), everything else is wide open, up for discussion and subject to change.

And here are some other close to certainties: Wanting to be better doesn’t mean you are bad. Wanting a break, doesn’t mean you want to quit. Looking forward to alone time doesn’t mean you love your kids any less. Yelling at your kids doesn’t mean you are doing it wrong – just that you are human. I get why they have signs in the hospital warning you not to shake your baby because even the most levelheaded, well-adjusted person will briefly consider any option to get a newborn to stop crying in the middle of the night (for the 20th time).

Despite all the difficulty, it is so worth it and that is why people forget to tell you that it is also HARD. It is the hardest thing you will do because there is no map to show you how to best get from point A to point B, how to best raise another human; GPS does not work here, signal lost. You course-correct as you go and sometimes you get to coast down a gorgeous, rolling hill and other times you have to shift down to the lower gears to get yourself and everything you’re towing along over what seems to be an impassable mountain. And all the while you grip the wheel and pray.

So I’m taking a class because I’m not too proud to ask for help and not too proud to admit I mostly don’t know what I’m doing. But I am proud to tell you that I’m a good mom and I’m going to be better.

4 Comments

Posted in Family, Parenting

Dear Boy Who Turns Four

Posted on February 6, 2013 | 4 comments

Though you’ve rather loved being “free and free-quarters” I’m going to guess you’ll love being four even more – despite the fact that we’ve told you that four is the age when you will have to start taking “no thank you” bites of foods you don’t like (trust me, I don’t look forward to the gagging and dry heaving that will follow those bites any more than you do but you ~~cannot~~ should not survive life on a diet of Vegamite sandwiches, all manner of processed chicken in nugget and pattie form, applesauce, crust-less waffles, candy and yogurt). Three has been a *ahem* challenge… but that is because God made you strong-willed (which is good) and made your parents just as stubborn (which is probably good, too, since I don’t see you giving us any breaks as you get older).

For some reason, this year more than others, I’m amazed that this little alien baby:

Turned into this amazing kid:

And this cherub child:

Has grown into this fun-loving boy:
And also equal parts this one:

You love picking Liam up from school…

and donuts (especially from Sandy’s Donuts)

and being a boy

This year, you have kept us entertained…

You lost your first tooth…

You met Jim Abbott who I hope will someday be one of your heroes.

You were much loved by your family (even Liam who often pretends that you aren’t his best friend).

I love your sweet face.

And your silly one.
And your up to no good one, as well.

You are one of my most favorite things and one of the two best things I ever made.

Happy Birthday, Jackers… Love Mom (and Dad – who agrees with everything I wrote, though he would have preferred you not take all the stuffing out of the couch cushion)

4 Comments

Posted in Family, Life in general, Parenting, Symbrachydactyly

What a difference

Posted on January 15, 2013 | Leave a comment

A year ago we were in Australia, celebrating Simon’s mum’s birthday. She was in hospital (Australians leave out the “the” between “in” and “hospital” so it seems only right to do it here) and we stood around her bed, singing quietly with our kids and Sandra, Joel and Jacob. Slices of chocolate cake were handed out, the sweetness welcome in the midst of all that was bittersweet.

It was her last birthday here on earth and now she gets the joy of celebrating in heaven with her husband and son who welcomed her there in July. What a difference a year makes, right? That’s what they say. But what a difference a person makes.

The Dorothy I knew was quiet and unassuming but she knew her mind and she stood her ground when it mattered – often much to her children’s chagrin. She raised a pack of strong-willed, opinionated and loyal children (much like herself), teaching them, by example, how to make their way in the world on their own terms. I’m so glad those terms led Simon to me here in the States, and so thankful she was able to let him spread his wings to come here and stay (I don’t know that I could do the same for my own two boys – but we are, after all, two different people and God equips us with what we need for our own lives).

While it’s hard to get to know someone from thousands of miles and an ocean away, but it’s not hard to love them, especially when they raised your husband. I’m lucky to have spent the time with her that I did and so blessed that my boys remember their last visit with her – they talk about her often with some much love in their voices. I am a better person for knowing her as I did, a better wife for loving her son and a better parent for witnessing her quiet, warm smile as she watched her family around her. We don’t get to celebrate together this year, I know she is having a blessed day where she is. Happy birthday, Dorothy.

Check this one off the list

Posted on November 5, 2012 | Leave a comment

On my list of things I want to do before I turn 35 next year (speaking of, I have less than a year to complete this list – uh oh), one was going to Great Wolf Lodge with the boys and this past weekend we made plans for just such a thing, opting instead to go to Avalanche Bay at Boyne Mountain. My lovely husband took care of planning and booking everything – which is just about a perfect vacation to me – not having to worry about the details (more perfect would be having it completely paid for by someone else + about ten more days + a nanny; but I’m very happy with how it went).

Saturday morning, bright and early, we left and headed north. Near Cadillac we noticed something more than frost on the trees and the grass surrounding the highway… that’s right, November 3, our first snow sighting of the year.

Our official check in wasn’t supposed to be until 5 so we planned a detour to visit some friends who opened a B&B/gastro pub outside of Traverse City – if you find yourself on M22 in Maple City, check out Little Traverse Inn and tell them Michelle and Simon sent you – you will not be disappointed (also, anyone want to plan a weekend getaway with us – we know a great place to stay). After lunch, we got a tour of the rooms and the boys checked out the porch chairs…

After that we headed further north to our final destination, still not telling the boys what our plan for the weekend was. We didn’t tell them until Saturday morning that we were going anywhere and when we asked Liam to guess where we were going, he shouted, “Las Vegas!?” Um, no.

We pulled into Boyne Mountain, got checked in and were planning on saving the ultimate surprise (the water park) until after we got the boys changed into their swimsuits. Sadly, a well-meaning handyman, asked the kids in the elevator on our way to our room if they were going to the water park and therefore let the cat out of the bag. Stupid handyman.

Near-total-surprise or not, the boys were beyond thrilled with the weekend… they could have spent endless hours swimming around, going down slides and jumping into our arms from the side of the pool. The first day we spent a couple hours at the water park before dinner (McDonald’s – another treat) and then headed back to our room where the boys wiped out in their upstairs loft while we watched TV downstairs. The excitement got the best of them and they were up in the wee hours of the morning (Jack very angry that Simon and I were then sleeping in “his” bed after we moved him to a nest of cushions and blankets on the floor – he awoke at 3:00 with a loud, “Hey – why are you in my bed, I don’t like that!”). Simon kept them at bay with the television downstairs until 7 when he could go get us some Starbucks. The children were ready to go, in their suits and goggles with only 3 hours to wait until the water park opened…

I discovered the first day that I really don’t enjoy water slides – it had been ages since I had been on one and I had forgotten how little I like the unknown element of sending yourself plummeting into a tube of water, blind to the twists and turns to come (plus I wear contacts so I can’t go with my eyes open). I could not sure out why I had a gnawing in my gut and a racing heart while we waited in line for Vertigo and then Liam and I got on our double tube and entered the dark tube and my brain screamed: YOU HATE THIS, YOU BIG DUMMY! Neither of my little boys share my dislike, which is good for them, but bad for me since they could have gone on slide after slide, without stopping (and pretty much did) so I had to suck it up and get over my aversion as they needed a parent with them and why let Simon enjoy all their glee? That is the hallmark of parenting right there – doing things you don’t want to do because it will be a good experience for your kids and trying to avoid them having your hang ups about things. Speaking of avoiding your hang ups about things, Liam was desperate to ride the faux wave thing shown below and we finally relented and let him try it, knowing the worst thing that could happen would be that he was frustrated and got a mouth-full of water. There he is on his boogie board after a successful first attempt which we don’t have documentation of because we couldn’t get the phone out in time (it was successful but brief)…

And there he is, completely wiping out on his second attempt. And if you think that it appears that he is knackers (a.k.a., nekkid) in the photo below, you would be right, because his swim trunks were around his ankles. He popped up quickly and the lifeguard held up the boogie board to block everyone’s view while he pulled up his trunks. He is thankfully just young enough to not be completely embarrassed that this happened – though I’m sure he’ll appreciate this photo in a couple years and even more that I shared this story here. I would like to thank the parents who stood at the bottom of the exit and gave him high fives for his attempt – he was by far the youngest kid in line to try the water feature.

All-in-all, despite our kids whininess when they didn’t get their way on every detail and their completely craziness when we weren’t in the water (“we were just excited, mom”), I’d call this weekend a great success! Yes, Liam is strong-arming Jack in the photo below, they are really never not wrestling.