Category Archives: Parenting

Insider’s Guide to Outpatient Surgery with a 5.5-year-old*

Posted on May 1, 2012 | 6 comments

*Subtitle: There are worse things, but that still doesn’t mean it’s enjoyable**
** Alternate subtitle: No matter what you think will happen, things will be different so don’t spend too much time preparing for anything (but do bring a snack)

As mentioned and documented on Instagram, Liam had a little outpatient surgery last Friday at our local [awesome] Children’s Hospital. Jack also had outpatient surgery in November 2010; a much more major procedure that resulted in lots of stitches on his foot (where a bone was removed from his toe) and 12 weeks with a cast and brace on his arm (where the toe bone was inserted into his thumb). Liam’s procedure resulted in a few internal stitches (to fix a previously undiscovered hernia), a single internal stitch to close up the small hole in his belly button where the unhealed spot was removed and a small square of gauze bandaged over the “wound.” Yet, our whole experience was completely different for many different factors.

So, for what it’s worth, here’s what I learned and would like to share with you:

You have to use your own judgement in how you prepare your child for the experience. Liam is very laid back about things and I knew I didn’t have to prep him very much in advance of the surgery for what was going to be happening. After we initially met with the doctor, I told Liam he’d be going to the hospital to have the spot removed (never mentioning exactly how this was going to happen), that they would give him medicine to sleep when this happened and that we’d be there with him. But otherwise, we left it rather vague and it worked for us, though I probably should have mentioned to him that his tummy was going to hurt after the surgery because I think he was surprised by the pain and that upset him more than anything (Jack, on the other hand, didn’t seem at all affected by pain post-surgery).
Use the hospital staff to help explain the procedure to your child. They had a child/life specialist come talk to Liam and explain to him what was going to happen in terms he could understand that weren’t at all scary. I never would have thought to refer to the IV as a tiny straw that goes in his hand to give his body drinks while he was sleeping since he couldn’t do that while he was asleep. They also had a handy trick where they let the kid pick out a chapstick with a scent they liked and then “paint” the inside of the anesthesia mask with the chapstick so the child smells that rather than the “sleepy” medicine. Seriously phenomenal.

Defer to the professionals for how you should handle the situation but also follow your own intuition. We had the option of going into the surgical room with Liam to be there with him while he fell asleep but I knew that he didn’t need that from us (if there is a next time, we probably will do this because I think he’d have some apprehension given his experience with this surgery). I think the specialist was trying to encourage us to go but I know it would have been harder on both of us to do that so I’m glad we didn’t.
Nothing will prepare you for seeing your child curled up on a hospital bed, post-op. Liam’s surgery was pretty tiny and inconsequential but it still broke my heart to see him in the recovery room. It didn’t help that he started crying when he saw us.
Five-year-olds are more attuned to their feelings than younger children and therefore, harder to calm, soothe and distract. While Jack was out of it post-surgery and just wanted to cuddle, he didn’t think too much about it and wasn’t upset by it all. Liam was more upset about his post-surgical haze because he knew better and knew that he wasn’t feeling right but was confused by what was going on.
Morphine is good for reducing pain and making your child sleepy, but for us, I’d request a different pain medication because I’ve now learned it really makes Liam nauseous. And nausea makes everything worse. Duh.
Do not encourage your child to pick the blue slushie as a post-op bonus incentive, unless you want to attempt to clean blue slushie out of and off of any surface that child might throw up on later. Blue slushie on the way back out stains. Thankfully our kid has good aim and an ability to not spill while throwing up into a small container in a moving vehicle. (This would not have gone as well with a small child so there’s a bonus with an older one.)
Even the bathrooms at the hospital are cool and child-friendly.

Find a hospital or surgical center with WiFi and bring your smart phone – Simon and I spent our time in while Liam was recovering playing Draw Something, Words with Friends and checking Facebook. Liam wanted the room dark and quiet so TV and reading books were out as options. And since we sat there nearly 3 hours, having WiFi and a smart phone was super handy.
No matter how crappy he feels, your son will still find it hilarious if you suggest he not wear his underwear home under his sweatpants and if that’s what it takes to get him to smile, you do it. (Also, the thing he will talk most about after the surgery is the fact that he got a robot coloring book and crayons. For free. It was awesome.)
Try not to have any expectations for how the day is going to go. The person scheduled before us for surgery overslept and was late getting in for their surgery which meant they were late getting started for ours. And instead of the 1-2 hour recovery they said was normal, we ended up staying about 4 hours after the surgery was over because Liam was feeling sick and/or sleeping (in comparison, with Jack were went home much sooner, he never acted nauseous and was packing away the food within minutes of getting home and didn’t sleep any more than normal that day – but then it’s no surprise that even surgery doesn’t keep Jack down – the other day Liam knocked Jack off his feet by accidentally kicking him in the head awhile he – Liam – was coming back on a swing and Jack popped right up and cried for about 30 seconds before running back to play).
Once your child is feeling better, be prepared to get them anything they want to eat. Everyone will feel better about that arrangement.

Though it sounds dramatic, it really was a good experience, just not what we were expecting. The surgery itself went so well and one day after surgery everything was back to normal with Liam, we just weren’t prepared for the bumps in the road immediately post-op. Your child will likely have a completely different experience than Liam’s because that is one thing I know for sure about parenting… no matter how similar the set-up, the experience can be completely different.

And from the archives: Favorite Finds – 5/1/11

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Posted in Life in general, Parenting

Tagged belly button, Liam, parenting, surgery

One of those days

Posted on April 25, 2012 | 5 comments

I know within seconds of getting in the car if it’s going to be “one of those days.” I’m speaking of our thrice-weekly routine of meeting in the parking lot and trading cars (one with and one without children). Usually the boy-os are pretty good, this is usually because I have a plan for what we are going to be doing [side note: Liam told me yesterday he just wanted to see his friends because I wasn’t his favorite, spending time with just me was just not the best. Thanks for that buckaroo. And also, sniff.]

But at least one time a week they are NOT like the photo below (OMG – doesn’t Jack look like a wee little baby?):

Rather, they are little pint-sized containers of raging hormones – much like teenagers but with extra concentration. And instead of laughter and smiles, all I get from the back of the car is screaming, whining and crying. Seriously – how can life be so very hard when you are 3 and 5.5? Really. I wonder.

Here’s a typical exchange:
Liam: Um, mommy… can we…
Jack: Mommy…
Liam: Be quiet Jack, I’m talking… mommy, can we…
Jack: No!
Liam: Jack!! Mommy, can we…
Jack: Aarrrgh!
Liam: Jack, shhhh!!!! Mommy, can we…
Jack: [screamy, screamy sounds]
Liam: MOMMMM!!!! Jack won’t be quiet! Jack, you’re making me mad… I want to punch you [we need to work on his anger management skills]
Me: [breathe in, breathe out] Jack, Liam was talking first, please be quiet for a minute and then it will be your turn. Liam, just keep talking, I can still hear you over his screaming.
Jack: Aargh! I want to tell you something!
Liam: Jack, be quiet, it’s my turn to talk. Mommy, can we go to [someone’s] house?
Me: No, not today, they are busy [who knows if they are]
Liam: WHINE… whine… whine… never do anything… WHINE…
Jack: SCREAM… mommy, my turn… scream… no Liam!

[It’s just as fun and as loud as it sounds. See also: annoying, maddening, relentless. You are jealous. I can tell.]

Last week when this happened we ended up going to Millenium Park on the spur of the moment because I needed to do something or else I was going to end up with no children in my car and a future prison sentence. But yesterday, it happened again and I had plans later that night with my friends so I didn’t want to have to re-shower to look presentable after a walk pushing both kids in the stroller (I’m a sweaty person, it’s genetic, at least that’s what my dad says). So I calmly (go me with my no yelling) but forcefully told them both to stop talking and that the next person who whined or screamed or so much as made a sound would not be getting the Wii or the Kindle that evening. I told them they needed to stay quiet until we got on the highway. And they were silent. For 30 seconds (but it was a glorious 30 seconds). Jack started to speak, but a quick “nope” from me got him quiet again (Liam, my elder and possibly smarter child recognized the gravity of the situation and kept quiet a good 5 minutes) and I decided we were going to going to Costco. Because Costco makes everything better with their cheap fruit smoothies and mass quantities of stuff to buy.

We made it through the afternoon (as we always do) and I got to go out with my friends and have good food, dark beer and creme brulee (with an Italian flair, the menu said, but when we asked our server, she said the only Italian flair was in its Italian-sounding name – ha!). All was right with the world. Until the next time this happens. Next Tuesday, I’m looking at you.

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Posted in Parenting

We are not alone

Posted on April 12, 2012 | 10 comments

Firstly, thank you for your kind words and Facebook support for yesterday’s post. If it isn’t already obvious, I’m a fairly open-book person but despite my openness to talking about my imperfections (of which there are many, and I don’t say that to fish for compliments) it still makes me nervous to share some things.

One thing I’ve learned in life (mainly since having kids) is that you are never the only person who has gone through something – while every detail of a situation may not be exactly the same – we are not alone. If your kid is having pooping/eating/sleeping issues – someone else has been there. [And if you discover your kid has stored his boogers on the wall next to his bed – someone else’s kid has done this, too.] If you are frustrated with your husband or suffering from a lack of communication in your marriage – guess what? You are in good company. If you are struggling with insecurities and loneliness – just look at the person next to you and know that they are (or have), too. And knowing that you are not alone makes a world of difference. Just because it sounds cliché, doesn’t make it not true [I believe I’ve said this before – apparently that also makes it really true.]

In talking about our struggles and being honest with other people we are giving ourselves and those we know a great gift. We are being authentic (which Heidi once referred to as being a hot mess, but same difference; I’m quite partial to hot messes myself, I find them to be the best sort of people because they are the most real.) We’re not putting on a show and glossing over the hard times so people only get a pretty, watered-down picture of what our lives are like. We’re embracing the parts of life that are hard and hopefully learning from them and taking the good bits along for the rest of the ride. Authenticity is real but it’s not always pretty. And that is life.

My friend, Vicky, sent me a message on Facebook and I hope she doesn’t mind me sharing part of it because it was so nice to be reminded of something I ultimately know IS true: “Someday you and Simon will be “old” and Jack and Liam will be grown, and you’ll be looking back at this time (and a couple dozen others) and you’ll be saying “that was a really hard time…” but part of you will be wishing you were back here at THIS time.”

And I need to remember that despite the frustrations of the previous day, each day is a new day, a new start and the old day cannot be repeated or gone back to, for better or worse. Each day is a chance to start over and do things better, or different. Those days go by so quickly – which is good and bad – because we will miss them a decade from now; we will fondly recall the days when our biggest worry was about how much we yelled at our kids because they will be more out in the world and less under our control and our yelled words are probably a whole lot kinder than the quiet words of some of their classmates. [The teenage years – I fear you greatly.]

I will just continue to pray that my kids start to pull it together, that I start to deal with it all better and that together we make so many happy memories. Happy memories that far outshine any of the bad ones. I know that I certainly have happy memories from my childhood – though I know it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows (though I can tell you, my dad’s stern, hushed voice was much more fearsome than anything he yelled).

And here’s a reminder for everyone: you are a good parent. As in anything, there is always room for improvement, but room for improvement doesn’t mean you are failing or even close. YOU are a good parent. I am a good parent. We love our kids. We’re in this together. We are not alone.

Please feel free to remind me anytime.

And just so you don’t fear I’ve gone into the deep, here’s a humorous nugget from my spam comment folder: “My brother recommended I would possibly like this blog. He used to be totally right. This publish actually made my day. You can not imagine simply how a lot time I had spent for this info! Thanks!”

The use of “possibly” in the first sentence made me laugh… what a solid recommendation. And the mis-translation of “He was totally right” to “He used to be totally right” completely changes the the meaning and rather implies that the “reader” didn’t like my blog though the next line contradicts that line of thinking. I love spam when it makes me laugh, which might make me a word nerd. So be it.

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Posted in Life in general, Parenting

Can you hear me now?

Posted on April 11, 2012 | 8 comments

My kids are driving me bonkers lately… like really pushing their limits. And I’m realizing that no matter how loudly I yell, it doesn’t make them fall in line so I might as well just stop with the yelling (or at least tone it down because we all know the neighbors already get an earful – we have boys, therefore we are loud).

I texted Sandy tonight before a Google Plus meeting we were set to have and said the following: “If I’m not on the chat it’s quite possibly because I’ve murdered my kids and I’m on the run.”

Please note: I would NEVER murder my children, it was a JOKE, please do not call child protective services on me. I blog, I text, I joke – this is how I vent.

But clearly, something needs to change with both them and me. Two years into this single-parenting on the weeknights thing and I think we’re all a little sick of it. They are sick of getting ganged up on by one tired, sometimes at-her-wits-end parent and I’m very sick of dealing with the bedtime rigamarole and toy clean up. Last night Liam was upset with me during our clean up time because he had been put in timeout and lost the Wii for being mean to his brother and he told me that he wanted to not like me so much that I would die (clearly he was trying to say the most hurtful thing he could think of because I had taken away Wii privileges). I told him that what he said was hurtful but that we would talk about it when he was less upset. Later he tearfully apologized when I talked to him about it and I explained how terrible it was to say that he wished someone was dead and asked if he would be sad if I was gone forever (i.e., dead from his not liking me so much). At five-and-a-half my son has learned that words can be powerful and very hurtful tools and at nearly 34 I’m forgetting that words need only be whispered to be heard. We both need to learn a lesson (or five) in how to use our words.

My kids act crazy mostly because they are kids, and boy kids at that, but also because I react passionately to what they are doing wrong and despite the mis-intent, they are trying to get my attention and push my buttons. A friend told me she had been trying to praise her kids wildly for the inane things they were doing right, to focus on the positive, even if it was something as simple as walking down the hallway to their room. And she said it was crazy how wonderfully they were behaving and reacting to that feedback, despite how silly she felt at dishing it out. So here and now, I’m telling you that I’m going to try this wholeheartedly – going to commit to being that saccharine-voiced mom who praises her kids for every little thing and see how that works for me. [Can anyone get my kids to commit to staying in their room quietly at bedtime? And also not strangling, tackling and hitting each other? Then we’d have a good thing going.]

Because I love my kids more than anything in the world but I’d really like to like them all the time, too. And I’m sure they feel the same way about me.

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Posted in Parenting

Housekeeping

Posted on March 15, 2012 | 2 comments

The title of this post is ironic because I am so not a keeper of my house. It’s just not on my list of priorities. I’d much rather read, watch TV, spend time with people I love, blog or even do laundry. It is the way it is, but I digress…

Really I just wanted to let you know I updated some images and the “About ememby” section of the blog – I was rather remiss in making those changes since it said Liam was looking forward to turning five (um, last August) and also noted (with great chagrin) that I had typos in my about page. Whoops. I may work with a bunch of editors but I was a communications/art major so clearly you cannot learn new tricks.

Liam and I went to the dentist Tuesday, aptly named Smiley Family Dentistry (the dentist’s actual last name is Smiley – also ironic, and perfect). Anywho… we went to the dentist. Liam loves the dentist. Like feels-sorry-for-his-brother-who-didn’t-get-to-go-but-was-playing-with-friends LOVES to the dentist. I don’t hate the dentist, if anything I’m apathetic to the dentist in general and quite like our current dentist. The staff is amazing and actually remembers details about our family, I’m not sure if it’s because they review notes before we come back or if my husband’s accent burns things in people’s memories when he says them, either way, I like that personal touch.

We both got our teeth cleaned at the same time in adjacent rooms, I also like this about our dentist because how efficient is that? Though I am not sure how Liam’s hygienist was able to get his teeth checked and cleaned because the kid NEVER stopped talking. And he was cracking us all up with his little quips, observations and general enthusiasm for life. And I was again reminded that his kindergarten teacher is a saint.He gave her a very detailed recounting of how often he brushes his teeth and uses his fluoride, he asked about every instrument and piece of equipment in the room, he requested sun glasses to block the light, he talked all about his brother and how he is sometimes a pest but “that’s okay because he’s only three and learning to share,” he detailed his escapades on the Wii and talked about what he was learning at school. He also managed to get a free toothbrush for his brother, along with two reward toys for a good check up and a tattoo for Jack. Both of our hygienists commented on how sweet he was and he really is, despite the nonstop chatter. We also booked our next appointment for six months from now (which, yipes, Liam will have started back at school and will be in FIRST grade – hold me!) and added Jack to the list since it’s about time he start going to the dentist. Sometimes tells me our next visit isn’t going to be as lovely, though I’m perfectly willing to be proven wrong on that one.

Later in the day we went with some friends to Meijer Gardens and when we were getting in our car, Liam asked if he could give them the prizes he got for a good check up and I told him that it was a nice gesture but that he had earned them for a good checkup so it was okay if he wanted to keep them. He responded with, “We have more than enough toys at home, I want to give these to my friends because I love them.” My heart swelled two sizes bigger (unthwarted by Jack trying to kick me in the face as I buckled him in his car seat).

Liam may often test my patience and I might not keep a super clean house, but I have to be doing something right for him to be growing up into such a great kid. And I think maybe I have some friends who need reminding of this (not about my kids, but about their own; and not anyone specific, just in general) we are all doing great because our kids are happy so don’t worry about the rest. Don’t worry about all the things you’re not getting done, just celebrate all the things you are getting right, especially if it has to do with your kids because happy kid trumps clean house any day of the week!