Category Archives: Search Terms

More amusing search terms

Previously on my blog… amusing search terms that have brought people to my blog (see here in August 2011, November 2011 and March 2012). And since I know you love them, here are some more along with my usual commentary.

[Side note: Tomorrow morning Jack is getting his tooth pulled (the one he hit on the naughty rock at my parents’ on Easter – wish us luck and keep us in your prayers!)]

  • what is liam’s favorite song | again, I think we need to educate people on overly specific search phrases – though perhaps they are wondering what Liam Gallagher’s favorite song is (or Liam Neeson) but if they are curious about my son, Liam, here are some songs he likes
  • turtleneck with sweatshirt | please see: DO NOT WEAR
  • boy tights and white boys tights | I may need to revisit my archives to figure this one out; rest assured, I do not put tights on my children, especially not white tights.
  • mothers day bad stuff | this could be so many things… bad things happening, bad gift-giving (see here), bad things you’ve done to your mother; whatever it is… let me just tell you something – do not do bad things to your mother, you will regret it.
  • roto rooter sinus surgery, proper name | I just loved the comma in that search phrase… and that the person knew that wasn’t the real name but would very much like to know what it should be called, please and thank you.
  • what does it mean when a woman says “I enjoyed your company last night” | that you probably aren’t getting a second date because you are googling that phrase; now, if she emailed or texted it to you the very next day, this would have been a good sign but instead of checking what the Internets have to say about this, you should have just responded back to her with “Me too, when can I see you again?”
  • “do you fart in front of your significant other” five question friday | that’s a personal question, but yes, yes I do. I can’t recall if I answered this for a 5QF, but I am an open book so if anyone has any other personal questions, ask away…
  • i am tired of yelling so he can hear me | Ditto, times two.
  • free chicken smoothie accounts giveaway | I hope you are looking for a giveaway that is for both chicken and smoothies as separate items, because chicken smoothies sound disgusting (nearly as disgusting as a canned WHOLE chicken, which I saw last night on Chopped).
  • graduation donut | this is what you give the hard-to-buy for grad… that, or a gift card. Cash and checks also accepted.

Most popular in the last quarter:

  • roll ’em ferndock | see this post
  • skidz pants | see this post
  • something related to buttercream transfers or lightning mcqueen cakes | see this post
  • ememby | congrats – you’ve found my blog, hope you were looking for me

And so I can attempt to lure people to my site who I’d love to have visit, here are some search terms I wish would lead to my site – though I do realize if they are searching these terms, they may not have the answers I’m looking for myself:

  • ememby is awesome
  • how can I send ememby some money (email me: ememby at email dot com)
  • plane tickets to australia, need to give away
  • Qantas ambassador candidates
  • I love coffee and I love diet coke
  • sharing the secrets to calmer children
  • I want to hang out with ememby and I am famous (because who doesn’t want to hang out with a celebrity for just a day; but then, there are lots of things I’d like to do just for a day… let’s add that to the “to write about” list)

Still more laughable search terms

As I mentioned back in August and again in November, I’m highly entertained by the search terms that lead to this here bloggity blog. So I figure it’s about time for another installment of recapping the funny search terms that have brought people here to visit.I’m once again happy that top search term is actually my name, or my bloggy name: ememby. This is followed up by skidz pants, hypercolor shirts and lightning mcqueen cake which tells you that the audience I draw is in their 30s and (likely) mother to a young boy OR making some unfortunate fashion choices and is actually a highly skilled five-year-old Google user. Also popular, some variation on long third toe, long toes, freakish toes and my favorite “her second toe is longer”  because I can just imagine some poor guy who has discovered this fact about the woman he’s dating and he’s hoping to find out if this is indicative of something about her or if he can be justified in breaking up with her (Dear guy: It just means she’s awesome and if you break up with her, you are a toe elitist.)

More terms and my commentary on them:

  • “things I like about me” | just like that, all in quotes; this makes me sad for the person who googled this because if you have to ask the internet what you like about yourself, you’re really looking in the wrong place. For the record, I think you are a great person with a sparkling personality.
  • family dont bother with my birthday | this is something I would never say (plus I always use apostrophes correctly); I love celebrating my birthday so: Dear family, PLEASE bother with my birthday.
  • how to bungee cord a baby | I DO NOT condone bungee cording your baby; I do, however, condone bungee cording a baby gate to block off your child’s bunk bed stairs or using a bungee cord to lock your chairs to your kitchen table.
  • things that make you go hmmm on thanksgiving | I’m guessing the list could include, why do they include all the giblets in turkeys… why don’t I use more gravy every day… how can I steal the leftover stuffing and take it home… why don’t more countries celebrate thanksgiving… is there more pecan pie… would anyone notice if I fell asleep
  • pap test piece of mind billboard | it is still just disturbing to me, glad I’m not the only one
  • appropriate everyday jewelry | because you would totally hate to be wearing inappropriate everyday jewelry
  • card making paper junkie | is this an upcoming episode of “My Strange Addiction”?
  • car seat premium economy | yes, please
  • did anyone else think that opaul mc cartney performance at grammy 2012 was weak | my goodness that was a wordy search term
  • taylor swift is an idiot | people are so judgmental; also, the person who googled that is an idiot

More laughable search terms

And now for a little humor… back in August I did a Top Ten Tuesday featuring my favorite amusing search terms that have led to my blog, here are some more for your (and my) entertainment:

  • lists of observations to elderly | I just can’t figure this one out
  • rachel bilson as a doctor laughable | it appears that I’m not the only one who saw The OC
  • long second toe(s) | my toes are real, people, and very long
  • bradley cooper on his favorite animal | not sure if they were looking for an article with Bradley Cooper talking about his favorite animal or a photo of him on his favorite animal, either way, barking up the wrong tree
  • bungee cord parenting | a new extreme sport or parenting method?
  • tv show felicity who was stabbed? | I’d love to tell you, because I think someone was, but I can’t for the life of me find the answer by Googling it, ironic.
  • god’s apple orchard | that would be heaven
  • what does “take a louie” mean? | turn left
  • lentil stew made for jesus | I did not make my lentil stew for Jesus (though it is good), I also did not know Jesus was partial to lentil stew or that the Bible talked about particular recipes
  • cakes saying liam | I can’t figure out why someone would search for this as it’s not like it’s a specific design/decoration and if they are using the search term, obviously they know how to spell the name; also this makes me laugh to think of a cake audibly saying “Liam” that would be awesome

Top searches:

  • ememby/ | this warms my heart because it means people are searching specifically for ME and my blog, we’re going to believe that they are all normal people and none of them are scary stalkers (remember, I have a huge, scary dog)
  • lightning mcqueen cake (+ a misguided “speedy” mcqueen cake) | for other mothers of boys who love Lightning McQueen, here’s a link to that post
  • hypercolor clothes | we are apparently reliving our glory days on the internet
  • roll em ferndock | again this just boggles my mind because it’s a pretty specific, random phrase, one I thought my dad completely made up
  • something about bungee cords and childproofing | makes me glad to know I’m not the only “creative” parent out there – and by creative, I mean desperate
  • something about beating up famous people/celebrities | aren’t some celebrities just so annoying? In case you missed it, here’s my list of celebrities I’d like to beat up… and to counter that, celebrities I’ve wanted to marry

Also laughable… we leave for Australia a month from today and before that happens we have Christmas, my office is moving and a large handful of holiday gatherings are on the calendar. Ha, ha…

ha, ha.

Top Ten Things I’ve Googled [Recently]

Can anyone remember what the world was like before the Internet and Google? Well, that’s a little extreme, of course I remember because I’m not that old to have forgotten or so young that the World Wide Web was always a part of my life (I’m just right). But it makes me laugh to think that I used to look up answers to things in a dictionary or encyclopedia. And if I couldn’t find the answers there I’d either not know the answer or ask my dad (because he knew everything, or was really good at faking an answer). Present day, if there is something I don’t know the answer to, I do what everyone else does, I Google it – either on my laptop or my phone – answers are really never more than a few seconds away. Of course, they aren’t always the right answers, but even the wrong answers can be amusing and it gives me the opportunity to use my skills of discernment to decide if I think that particular website is full of bunk (see Google makes me smarter).

And since I share a list of amusing search terms that led to my blog, I thought it only fair that I share a list of terms I’ve used in searching for answers to some of my many, many questions. The search terms people use are so telling about what is going on in their lives and what is on their minds, I actually since this mundane list fascinating about people. What won’t show up here are the number of times I turn to IMDB to help me remember where I’ve seen a certain actor before or to learn the name of a random guest actor on a TV show I’m watching. Also not here are the searches I do on WebMD… the modern version of my mom’s medical encyclopedias. At least I don’t believe everything I find there, otherwise I’d be quite certain I have cancer and also malaise (a general feeling of unwellness).

In no particular order, Google terms I’ve used (I’ve learned the more specific, the better):

  1. How does an upright piano work | Because I wasn’t certain the piano strings were called “strings” for my GR Symphony review for Kids on the Grand (coming soon)
  2. Natural heartburn remedies | Because I suspect that Prilosec is actually making my heartburn worse (I also used the term “Prilosec cause heartburn”)
  3. Sturdiest carry on luggage | We need a good suitcase we can use to strap Jack’s car seat to and tote him around the airport using just an “O” ring from the hardware store, our current one does not have a locking handle
  4. Computer acting like it’s the first time I’ve logged on | Because my computer was acting like it was the first time I used it
  5. How to get a toddler to sit still | I hoped perhaps someone found a miracle cure to toddleritis, no such luck. I believe this was in a moment of desperation.
  6. old navy free shipping code | Because if I’m shopping online, I hate paying for shipping
  7. star wars party favors | I have a five year old…
  8. russian honey cake | best cake I ever had and that was 15 years ago, but since it was in Kazakhstan, I’ve never replicated it but I knew Google would help me out. Now I just need to make the cake.
  9. Thai house grand rapids closed | Because my favorite Thai restaurant is now closed without any warning or signage left behind to tell us what happened… dear lady who ran Thai House – where are you? Can I come eat at your house?
  10. Group purchasing websites | Because I remembered I bought a JcPenney deal but couldn’t recall which site I bought it through, answer: Plum District.

So there you go, my mundane list of searches…

Top Ten {Tuesday}This post is linked to Oh Amanda’s Top Ten Tuesday.

Top Ten Things I Use Every Day

I think we are all creatures of habit – I cannot think of anyone I know who does things different all the time (not to say that people aren’t adaptable, but given normal circumstances, I think people operate predictably and that’s okay). I was thinking about things I use every day and thought – this would be a great top ten list! I do hope you enjoy a little glimpse into my monotony.

Top Ten Things I Use Every Day:

  1. The shower – I cannot start a day without a shower, even if I’ve just taken one before I went to bed. I have not been and never will be an evening showerer. Mostly because I like fresh hair each day and because I hate that sticky skin feeling you get after sleeping. There are occasional Saturdays when I don’t shower all day but they are very rare.
  2. Google – I love to look up things on the Internet and believe you can almost always find an answer on the Internet (unless you are looking for something too vague like cake, in which case, you’ll find my blog). Here are some things I’ve recently Googled: “97% honeysuckle white recall,” “egg free chocolate cake,” ” goat cheese fondue” and “arden myrin hanes.” [I also love that Google has become a verb and I accept that.]
  3. One of our vehicles – we almost always leave the house every day; more than once.
  4. My angry mom voice – though Liam has been asking me to stop using it, which I tell him I will do when he starts listening better because he doesn’t respond to my nice mom voice.
  5. The toilet – it had to be said.
  6. My smartiephone – I recently got a new one (Droid platform, HTC Inspire) and I kind of love it. I had a Droid before but there have been improvements and I’m more than okay with that. I can never go back toa dumb phone, sad, but true.
  7. Google Reader – to keep up with all my bloggity blogs (for those keeping track, the number of unread blogs soared to close to 800 before slowly going back down – riveting stuff, I know)
  8. Plastic plates and bowls from the Target dollar spot – I just can’t pass them up when they get news ones so we have an assortment of Ironman, Hot Wheels, Dr. Seuss and Spiderman that I use every meal to serve up food to the boy-os.
  9. Stainless steel water bottles – I have two, one is always in the fridge, getting water chilled for when I empty the one in my hand. They are 22 ounces so each time I go through one that’s almost 3 glasses of water – helps me hit my 8-glass-per-day target with ease.
  10. Bribes for good behavior – I am not such a stellar parent that my kids always immediately obey me (or even slowly obey me) and I honestly don’t know that I’d ever have the energy or ability to get that to happen but bribes often get the job done, horrible parenting tactic or not. Fruit snacks, television time, special outings, smoothies, extra minutes at bedtime, Lego time, Wii time, Wiggles time – whatever it takes – I’ll use it.

Top Ten {Tuesday}This post is linked to Oh Amanda’s Top Ten Tuesday.